secrets are not meant to be told. yet i spilled one. but it's only between me and that person.
the exams are just so near, i can't breathe. my stomach's not hurting me anymore, nor are my ulcers irritating me. Even sleep beckons to me after my long day of bore, messiness, whatever. after those symptoms, when you thought the worst the biggest storm has passed, that the darkest before dawn has passed, that you could try to play around, put your hand in the water, hell, even try to hold your breath under the seemingly low tide, you see the real depth of the sea. refraction of our foresight bends our point of view the way it bends light. and then, the waves start coming in. it crushes you like no other, strangling you, granting you no escape. that's exactly what i'm feeling now. i'm struggling to keep my head above the water level, looking for anyone to salvage me from the undercurrents that are pulling me under the safe zone of respiration.
it's just an afterthought of my slacking-after-prelims attitude. it's not beneficial to anyone at all, least of all me. i need a break, but when can that break come? even the worst of the tides hasn't even come to me yet. it's nearly 2 weeks away from the big thing. the thing that changes my life. either i keep my head above level, or i just sink in the water that i was trying to hold my breath in. it's crazy. i'm getting the motivation from all sorts of people, like the Principal, Vice-Principal, teachers, cousins, friends. Quoting from one of my classmates Personal Message: Only with 110% can i win the race now. it's more-or-less the SYF CJ of Display Bands, just without the performances and stuff. people who worked around you want your output to double, hell, triple the input that you gained from them. it's the way our brains work. we are all more-or-less 100% efficient motors. it's our willpower that pulls our output level of work over the 100% level. and by then, you'd have achieved a feat that is seemingly unachievable.
think about it, benjamin.
I'm going to sleep.
~BenjaminTAN
