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underneath the stars
I'll self-reflect... in this small world of lastman-standing.BS.com

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DISCLAIMER: If you find anything offensive in or about this blog remember that this blog is solely for MY entertainment, not YOURS. What I write in this blog, you have a choice to read it. I can't hide things in small spoiler tags just for you. It's for my convenience. Whether this blog entertains you or not, i couldn't care less. Only one request: spammers GO AWAY and stop tagging nonsense or start flaming by means of the tagboard. This is my blog, not your altar. I don't need your reverence or worship, neither does this blog, I'm sure of it.

Read on.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
4:24 AM

Second time i'm posting today... just says that i have nothing else to do.

today was pretty boring... went for tuition at 9-11. nothing special there. lunch was normal. Rice with veg. plain but i'm used to it. tried running Cortana again but screwed it after like 20 times. took about 45 minutes. then i started exploring the map. was fun, retracing your steps to rally point alpha. anyway, played the horn for about 5-10 minutes. tone sucked. better practice! =.= tried doing instrument twirling. looked quite okay, but the second 8' of twirling sucked. deproved. or was i not good at all? I wonder.......

Band. my escape.

I've got an addiction. without band, i have nothingg else to actually spend my time, other than running cortana and surfing, and blogging. now i sian of running, surfing but blogging still is something that i can not be bored of. whatever. excuse the poor english.

English. Humanities. Languages.
I suck totally at english. it's like my 2nd worst subject lah. even my chinese is better. And my Chinese isn't fluent......... ~sighs~


Here's my first term results, followed by CA1 marks.

English Language: 55.3 (T1) sucks doesn't it?
Chinese Language: 64.0 (T1) B4 it's pure luck
Combined Humanities: 24.5 (T1) F9(duh..) sucks doesn't it? I still have hope. not giving up just yet.
Mathematics: 65.3 (CA1 Marks) B3 i wonder why
Additional Mathematics: 91.3 (CA1 Marks) A1 woooots
Chemistry: 78.7 (T1) A1 Since when Chem became my 2nd best sub? it was always 1st
Physics: 69.0 (T1) B3 So horny... the perfect number for... never mind. It will go to an A2 for my CA1 Marks. all subsequent tests were A2 anw...


Percentage: 64.0! better than T1's 63.9. Come on. it's still an improvement! I also haven't updated 5 subject's marks...
L1R5: 22 (quite good, considering my Sec 3's 36... Can be further improved to a 20, mayb 18? if my Physics and Maths get A1? Maybe...


L1R5. Below 20. That's my aim. For now. so i can still try for DSA to MJC Band...


BOREDDD....

~BenjaminTAN


12:35 AM

"Nothing is perfect."

I would like to prove that statement wrong. Take my Halo 3 speedrunning for example.

Level: Cortana
Difficulty: Easy

P(getting the first door right)=9/10
P(getting the first GM right)=8.5/10
P(landing on the 2nd platform after the jump down...)=7/10
P(getting ALL subsequent slide jumps before the next door perfect)=4/10
P(getting the 2 slide jumps before 3rd GM right)=9/10
P(getting 4th GM sub-2.45)=3/10
P(getting the complicated 3-level bruteshot climbing right)=6/10
P(saving Cortana sub 4.49)=1.5/10
P(destroying all 3 reactors and having door open sub-5.50)=3/10
P(jumping into the place where tank form comes out from perfectly)=9/10
P(getting last bruteshot jump perfect)=8/10
P(not screwing the final 10 seconds of the run)=9.5/10

P(not dying on Easy...=_=)=8.5/10
P(not getting pushed away by some enemy, monster, or being on the receiving side of a particular glitch or bug in the game)=7/10


I guess that pretty sums up a perfect run of Cortana.

P(running Cortana SP Easy PERFECTLY)=0.0006355065956 (thank you, Casio fx-82AU!!!)







(Proven)

it just means doing something really good/perfect isn't improbable, just very difficult. As you all can see, probability of running Cortana SP Easy perfectly is less than 159 tries out of a quarter of a million. It's just the probabilities that drives people nuts.
It depends on luck too.
Let's say, someone's P(jumping 200cm in a SBJ)=9/10. He is given 3 tries to jump 200 cm.
He jumps 199, first try.
Jumps 203, second try.
Jumps 198, third try.
It's just that 0.1 out of the event that he jumps a perfect 200 that fails him. Just because he is unlucky.

Bottom line: People deem perfect things IMPOSSIBLE because the probabilities are so small, and because their luck is like mine (running out) that they say 'screw it', and give up.
What you should do: Get a religion, pray to that god that the first time you do something, get the first try perfect. Hey, if I run Cortana Tomorrow (since I have a lot of time) 159 times, I'll get record times. Down side: i'll most probably give up after 50 failed tries out of a quarter of a million. Reduce the probability of doing something wrong by practicing. Practice makes perfect. and, Luck does play a part in everything that you do.

Gotta study......

~BenjaminTAN





EDIT: P(getting all english vocab, grammar and whatever-not correct the first time i post)=still 1/10.

This is the 4th time i edited the post.

Gotta start on my english. It's never too late, so they say


Thursday, April 24, 2008
1:41 AM

Okay, someone wish me luck for exams (start tomorrow)........


~BenjaminTAN


1:00 AM

[WARNING]: This is a huge post, so grease your eyes before reading it in one shot.

Whoa! the first time I finished school at 2.
Reached home at 3.45, so it doesn't frigging make a difference. Bus 2 was so longggg.

During school, a particular boy who goes by two nicknames: b_ _n, where both of his nicknames start with 'b' and end with 'n', said something that hurt. During geog elect class. I seriously have no idea why. I have to say it was random, but I didn't like it at all. Why should he poke into my life and say something that hurt so much I feel like not being friends with him? I mean, what is his problem? Maybe he could have just said it accidentally, but I didn't like the notion of him saying something so indirect and just dismissing the topic as soon as you say it, and let me figure the rest. B_ _n, I choose to forgive you. But this wound will last. Long. And it still hurts, even when I'm typing this message. Because I don't forget easily.



Anyway, about talking about forgetting, I took off my shoe sometime during class (some random act) and I saw more black dirt from MJC's synthetic field. Then it came so quickly: the fun I had, the music we played, the... everything. Now it's so... unforgettable. Our rise from nothing, our fall from the comp, our rise after the fall..... It has TK Band written all over it. Yes, and there was a day (I forgot when) during recess when I heard screaming coming from the canteen, but almost no one was in the canteen. Moving closer to the canteen, I just saw a glimpse of the Deyi drum major marching up to take the Best Display Band trophy.

Now... rewind.

This monday, during recess, I just happened to look at the television and I saw our performance. TK Band's performance. The 8-minute performance which we worked so hard for. I bought my food, but didn't eat it till the video on the television replayed.

Rewind more...

During the day itself, it seemed like just a normal rehearsal, just because the stadium was less than a quarter-filled, i think. We performed. We waited for our results. That's all I remembered. I forgot the rest.

At present moment....

Now, when I saw the video, I heard 'Deyi' and there was cheering, although it did not come from the upper secondary levels who were all watching the video. No. It came from the television, and only the television. I even heard some jeering from the students. We saw TK's spirit in the video, all that happened during the day itself, only from a different angle. I really liked the way the video was presented to the TK crowd. Then came the black screen.

'Someone please tell Deyi it's on loan. We want our trophy back!'

I felt that sense of déjà senti.

Rewind again...

After Mr. Azlan talked to us, we went in front of where our school watched our performance, and did one last 'static' show. Something I really did not expect happened. The whole school was cheering. Madly. Whistleswere blown, the School song was sung, and I felt that TK Band spirit in the whole school that was there. It was unbelievable, and as quoted by a particular person in the HSH forum, " 'alfglsdf teoiksrkj; wkjkjgs. bsdaskbr owehohgf a.' OR 'Words now cannot convey the feelings in my head to you all,' ". It seemed unreal. On normal occasions the school would not even support the band or even talk about it. Now, it was a different story altogether. Cheers. Whistles. Hugging. Crying and sobbing. Comforting. All done by the school.

NOW, at present moment....

'Someone please tell Deyi it's on loan, we want our trophy back!"

The same unbelievable thing occured again. The whole canteen was cheering. There was a lot of noise after the video, but the school had something common to talk about.

TK Band.
We Define Excellence.


Talking about excellence, Yesterday my piano teacher made me play some sonatine by Maurice Ravel. I have to say the first movement was EXCELLENT. I liked the way the notes blended together, and although it was a bit difficult, I liked it. Now I have to choose between 'Aufshwung and Des Abends', which comes as a pair, and the Sonatine. I have really no idea what to choose. I'll let my skill decide.


Finally!

~BenjaminTAN


Tuesday, April 22, 2008
3:42 AM

It determines whether I pass my NAPFA.
It determines whether I get a Bronze, Silver or Gold for my NAPFA.
Hell, it determines whether I can get the full 30 marks for my NAPFA.

That damn 2.4km run/walk.

Well, I'm aiming for the third statement I said about the 2.4. Well, it's easy. Practice makes perfect. That's how Banjamin (4G) got his 8.30 for the 2.4 this Monday. Question: HOW? I don't think everybody has the discipline to run laps everyday. I don't. I blog. Sitting down. While (maybe) somebody is getting him/herself prepared or suited for the run which takes on average a 14 minutes?

Oh, come on.

Now I know how those non-banders from/not from TK feel about our SYF Central Judging of Display Bands. We get ourselves tired for MONTHS, practicing, practicing, practicing, so that 8-minute display can be perfect. Truth: It wasn't. I screwed up. People screw up. Even Ming Wei screwed up at the final moment of the display, ruining his otherwise perfect 'show', although the screwup wasn't obvious. I don't think everybody can see his and my mistake at first glance, unless I tell them about it. But enough about this.

Practice makes perfect, so they say. But on the big day you screw up. So what's the point of practicing? I screwed my DipABRSM piano last year, failed horribly. I screwed up during the competition. I screwed my 2.4 by having a knee that aches terribly everytime it rains, a respiratory system clogged with phlegm, and a stomachache. It's so demoralising! Doesn't make me feel like practicing!

Yet, I still practice. Speedruns, piano, academics, band, three of them which i screwed over the past year, even with practice. There are somethings that have second chances even after the big day, but most don't. Point I'm getting to is this: Luck does play a part in our life. My luck is running out. For now. Gotta buy it somehow. Better not screw my NAPFA.

I got 11.23 for my 2.4. A 'B'.With my body in such a condition. I do hope I get an 'A' the next time round. Then I'll get a 30-point chance.

Bye for now........


~BenjaminTAN


Sunday, April 20, 2008
2:22 AM

yes, talking about Wen Jern...
i was so surprised when i saw his blog, he's a completely different person there! he is quite open in real life, playful, vulgar, whatever. His blog is quite the opposite. The only thing that gives it away is his side comments. other than that, i thought i had typed in the wrong URL. lol...

and let me just add this, since it's under the same topic (more or less)...
i cannot believe that people think that my personality is the 'fierce and strict' and the 'cannot-tolerate a bit of nonsense' kind of me. Oh, PLEASE. IF i did that all the time the world would be turned upside down. The balance would be off. People who know me would go crazy. I myself would go crazy. Band IS the only time when i put up that kind of personality, since 2007 when i was handed the SC post... Goes to show that i'm a good actor, huh? (not)
I joke. I am a fun person to be with (that's if you know me well enough...). I did crazy things in Secondary 2 outdoor, so serious Mr. Chia made me do that infront ot the whole main block while they were at attention. I had Dennis tell me countless times, with variation 'do like that still can become dmn/adm?'

ah, nobody knows people perfectly well except themselves. The 'really open' person also would have his secret/s that nobody else knows. Conclusion: Nobody is COMPLETELY open. Not even me.

Not even Wen Jern.

bye for now......
~BenjaminTAN


Saturday, April 19, 2008
12:10 AM

"TK band. It has defined excellence in the SYF for pretty long. MY school, so of course theres some pride for it. Its sheer size its just impressive, and the props it put onto the field was clearly big and meant to impress. I remember two years ago when TK won Gold with Honours. I was there. I was damn impressed. That such a huge mass of people could be that organized and work in unison was brilliant. And the music was pleasing to the ears, if not deafening at close range. As I'm sure most people in my school would have noticed, they train VERY HARD. And their holiday camps last 4 days! Furthermore, they lose half a weekend to train. And lose more time during week days training. They have my admiration for that. Clearly fitting for a champion band. They say you can't do well at something until you devote yourself completely to it. So there."

~as posted by Wen Jern, after our comp.

So why didn't we win?

"I'll be honest though. This time TK band impressed me less than last time. It was not the same powerful force I saw 2 years back. That's what I think. Something felt disorganized. And the Chinese Imperial Guards and Gates just didnt fit or look nice. It was disorganized too. The music playing was not as excellent as before. It just didnt seem to reach out to me properly. I heard other bands who played clearer and better. I'm not a professional so I can't really judge nor do I have the right to. I'm just stating what I feel."

~by Wen Jern, in the same post.

"Nevertheless, I saw them train hard, and I have no doubts as to whether effort was put in. I feel the effort was there. And their performance was still good. They got gold this year, second place in other words. No band of the year either. But everything has its ups and downs, and you cant stay at the top forever. That's not to say you can't rise back up, and I'm sure TK band will. Nobody's perfect. Perhaps some mistake was made, they were out of form, etc. Still, I believe they will likely remain a strong force in the SYF, and will always be, even if they did not win. They acquitted themselves admirably, and I respect them for that. I know TK has currently lost its winning streak, but they can get it back I'm sure. And for those people, who say that TK band sux for not winning, or that the CCA is nonsense, I'd like to counter. Winning a competition just once is no small feat. Too win the number of times TK has is certainly no small feat. Being awarded Display Band of the Year 5 consecutive times, takes a lot of effort. And other factors, many in fact can make the difference. I won't say it was luck, but achieving such a high level achievement is not easy. To think that TK band will win is a given, is overconfidence and not appreciating of the sweat and toil put in. Heck, I know of people who don't even realize TK band lost its winning streak with a silver last year. Its not as if those critics could do better. Most probably can't."

~by the same person, same blog, same post. Forgive any mistakes he made.

NOW my turnn to speak.

I don't know, but i think that TK Band defines more than excellence. This time we fall. Next time, THEY fall. And i'm going to make sure that happens.

about Wen Jern... he's my classmate, and his blog- dream-voyage.bs.com

Today's band practice was practically NOTHING. We did NOTHING, only maintain our indoor instruments, go to the auditorium, talktalk, do some reflections (i did two) and ate some cake and ice-cream, thank you PSG.

Drum Major Nominees' '10
-Ying Zheng
-Azkhairy
-Bowen
-Byeong Gyu
-Chih Tun
-Glenn

4 sec 1's? the other time the only junior was Ming Wei.

after that... picture taking. the only picture i took was with my section, sec 4 main com, dmn '08s, yan jie and with kaini. I'm still waiting for those pictures kn...

ah, i gotta go...


~BenjaminTAN~


Friday, April 18, 2008
6:15 AM

Finally! Got this blog up in a day!
ok then, enjoy.


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