whatever i did, the choice between studies and band, was it worth it?
would it have been better to settle for my O's early, or later, after the competition in KL?
i made the studies choice, but i gave up so much of my life just to pursue a good grade. Was it really worth it?
i reached school at 6.30. saw the band get their stuff from upstairs to bring down to the assembly plaza, and at the same time some sad song called "Terms of Endearment" by Danny Wright started playing on my phone. it's a great piano song to hear. it relaxes the mood. However, all i felt like doing was crying. Recalling what happened earlier this year, how we lost to the Deyi Band, how the alumni chose to see the KLWMBC, as the Sec 4's last competition to show our best, for the rest, just some international exposure, for some juniors even, a chance to get a place in the block should some sec 4's refuse/be refused by their parents to join the band for that last competition, i could not stop the wave of emotions that surged through my heart.
the TK Band meant everything to me, yet i had to give it up while others see it go forth and fly towards and beyond the Excellence peak. school now meant nothing to me, not without at least 15% of the population gone overseas for 4 days. i now had no real friends in school, not when the band is gone. everytime i see those empty spaces in the classrooms, during my English lessons in the auditorium, i felt i really had no one to talk to. Gone, i'd say. My form, my shell of existence may be in the school, but where my spirit should be, is where the band is. Where music lies. Where the magic, the awe, and the wonder of the TK Band currently is, is where my heart and soul is. Even during my lunch with my mum at home, i just randomly started a conversation with "i wonder what the band is doing now." she looked at me, and answered it, what she think the band'd be doing currently, then asked me if i regretted not going for the competition.
I never regretted missing the competition. Looking at the band as a spectator as they worked their magic was good enough for me. but after remembering bong told me that i'd "miss it all" and when mdm nora said that she'd "love to bring me out of Singapore" i had a change of heart. maybe, i really would regret it.
As weirui hugged me before they left, i teared. it was april 12 all over again, when glenn put a consoling hand on my shoulders and rubbed my back. when i stood in front of the general office, mdm rosy joined me, and said "don't worry, i'm here with you". it really was heart-wrenching. every engine noise the buses made seem to be squeezing all the life out of me, until one bus left the school. as i waved at all of them, at every single one in the bus that i could not see, tears welled up in my eyes. until all of them left, i stood motionless, and a single drop of tear left my eyes for the ground. i stared at the empty space where the buses were, then at last, left for the assembly plaza.
All i ask of my section is to do what they were meant to do on the field, to contribute to the band's slickness, to add colour to the music that the band plays, and at last, to really enjoy the competition.
I have a good feeling about the KLWMBC, that we'll be one of the top, if not the first. we will show everybody from across the globe to know how we pride ourselves as TK Band members, the best band in the land.
For now, as i'm sitting at the computer,
Godspeed, TK Band.
Anoneh Pakuke.~BenjaminTAN
