what i'm going through is very like taking a bus 2 straight to tk. that's what i found out today.
i get on the bus, and enjoy the ride.
but i have to alight the bus at some point in time, and so i get off. from there i see the bus move on, not as a person who took the bus, but now as a 'spectator'. when it gets out of sight, i move on.
eventually, i'll reach my destination.
it's just like my life in the tk band.
i enjoyed all four years of it. until my parents didn't allow me to join the band for the one last competition, so i step down as a participant in the KLWMBC, and become just an external helper, of sorts. from there i see the band rise and fall, and when it gets out of sight, when it's really time for more things to be carried out, i move on, towards my destination.
i don't really know what my destination is, i can't really see it, but i still march towards the vague direction where i think it should be. as time passes, i'll see it much clearer, and from there on i'll progress.
when i see them perform, i feel so awkward. even as my expressionless face shows literally nothing when i fold my arms, i was actually thinking of the band, how it could progress from there, and how sad i am, not being able to participate in whatever the majority is participating in, to the extent that i can tear a few drops of it. but hey, being a spectator of sorts isn't that bad after all. when i took the video at the centre line at the hall side facing the field, i finally saw the whole show for myself. how... wonderful and magical.
(even as i am blogging, i'm looking at the video that i just took.)
it cannot be put in words.
maybe i shall stop here.
~BenjaminTAN
