lastman-standing

2009-04-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

NO, my comp has not changed yet (read previous post), but i'm blogging now because i'm just plain bored.

things have changed tremendously since the last time i blogged. first things first, HOMEWORK. sounds familiar, eh? yes. Now it's taken the form of a more horrible monster that drowns you in itself: tutorials and assignments. Not to mention online commenting on the GP blog. it's literally SPAM, but from the teachers point of view, it's just homework. Nevermind that, i'm still having a bit of a problem completing EVERYTHING on time (typical) but surprisingly, i'm finding the current tests do-able, so to speak.
Second, my leg and back muscles. Not going to talk about them, since i can't see my back muscles unless my neck is REALLY flexible, and regarding my leg muscles... let's just cut the story short. We have no classrooms. we have only lecture theatres, randomly-allocated tutorial rooms for subject tutorials, and more randomly-allocated tutorial rooms. Lessons are up to 5.05 at the latest. Work out the total distance a 4H2 person in JC walks a day IN SCHOOL. Then, work out the total work(as a physics term) done in school. it is evident something will happen to those 2 muscle groups i mentioned earlier, sooner or later.
Thirdly, i'm tired. my sleep pattern is from 10 to 6. not much difference, if you ask me.
goodnight. sorry for the abrupt ending; i should be sleeping.

~BenjaminTAN

2009-02-07T23:34:00.000-08:00

finally, i'm back, and just a bit of news, here, my comp's kinda down at the moment, so other people noticed, and thus this blog's going to be kinda dead until my comp changes.

so for a bit more of info, i'm in a 4H2 class, with Physics, Maths, Chem and Econs, and wish me luck, i plan to mug (doesn't sound like me huh?) so i won't be online most of the time. haha, just as well, my comp's down.

well, goodbye.
~BenjaminTAN

2009-01-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

well, it's been a LONG time since i blogged, which means that many things have changed.
primarily, i'm officially in MJC, since i got a score of below 20. fine, it's just 14, kinda mediocre if you ask me, because of the 3 subjects that didn't meet up to my expectations. Combined Humanities, Add Math and Chemistry. It may be too late for regrets now, but here goes:

Combined Humanities: C5
damn it! i tried to make my chinese look less like an eyesore on my result slip and there's the stupid combined humanities that makes me miss my sister's grade by one point. I may have passed, and for that i'm extremely happy, but still? lol. i asked for it, didn't i? sleeping in geog elect lessons, not taking down notes during ss, whatever.
still, i have to say i'm extremely lucky that the only sub-topics i studied a day before the ss paper came out in the paper itself as an essay question.

Additional Mathematics: A2
it could have been the 1 mark that made the difference. The carelessness of it all. How ironic: I, who should score an A1 for a maths, got defeated by the bell curve, which is another mathematical concept.

Chemistry: A2
i just don't like the grade. I'm supposed to score in Chemistry, nothing less than an A1, but still? let me do this self-reflection myself.

other than that, there was the astounding A2 i got for Physics, the first A2 i got for English in my secondary school life, and that satisfying A1 for E maths. Finally, something paid off.

and now vincent's saying i should try the PCME combination in JC. seriously, i'm not too sure, but i could give it a shot. if i make it there in the first place. 14 isn't anything to brag about; i'm the worst in my clique, the last few in my class.

well, time for me to go.
bye for now

~BenjaminTAN

2008-12-16T03:20:00.000-08:00

people say time passes REAL fast when you're having fun.

that statement has my total agreement.

it started at 9.30am this morning, when i met darrel, adam, gabriel and chin kiat at tampines interchange, bcos they were going to my house, purely to play the 360 in there.

ian wasn't there. so.

i asked him to meet us at the bus-stop at my house.

oh.my invitation gift:
biscuits. with a red tinge at the top.

my jie bought it yesterday, and thought the red thing was paprika.

it was red-hot chilli peppers.

so, i hope they haven't died smoking because of the biscuit.

well, it was xbox and nonsense talk between the 7 of us (yes, daniel joined us)

and a few nonsense pictures

lunch was at 1.30, at changi village

pictures will be shown later (ya, my comp isn't lagging that bad, it's just the keyboard is slow)

ya. so you will know what all of us ate. you'll even know the table number.

and then back,

and time practically flew back home. it really was very fast.

so, i guess it's picture time.

put short, we all had the same thing. so the cost of all the food cost exactly $29.40, and (fyi) can be divisible by 7.

yes, when ian attains Nirvana, animals are attracted to him.

and so is the Christmas hat.

in short, gabriel tried to look stupid, but... who could look more stupid than ian?

i mean, who can match up to his "blur" look?
haha

and two random pictures, from the tjc concert, from zhining's camera (so says gabriel):please, can a proper camera produce 604 x 453 pictures?

i don't think so.

sec 4 pictures, excluding more than half of the guest players.

so we just made do with the pathetic amount

well, i guess that's enough.

bye for now

~BenjaminTAN

2008-12-13T04:39:00.000-08:00

well, a hundred posts in 8 months.
slow, uh?

fine, this makes one hundred and one, but that's besides the point.

today was my first band practice at MJC.
sorry, no pictures, wasn't bothered to take, and too lazy to upload the pictures, now that i have a really crappy computer (it turned crappy on its own, don't blame me)(okay, blame me for loading it with all kinds of files. but other than that i'm sure i didn't do anything else) uploading pictures is such a chore now.
i don't care if pictures speak a thousand words, they're still not in the same format.

had jie wake me up early in the morning, then rush with bathing, brushing teeth, and preparing.
only when we left, did i realise i hadn't ate my breakfast. damn.
well, i didn't bother. lunch was three hours later, but i'm saying it now, i really was hungry come lunch time.

well, the stupid bus didn't come till at least 30 minutes later, and i really wanted to get my breakfast, but the walk home was at least 3-5 minutes from the bus-stop.
so, i didn't bother.
well, at 9, mjc was stil quite quiet (no typo here), and i guess i was the only sec 4 there.

when everybody was there i already started thinking of lunch.
somehow, i got to know 2 of my section mates (nizam and a girl, forgot the name><) and some random person called mavyes. damn bimbotic sia she. lol jkjk

sectionals came next, and that took my mind off things, including lunch. it passed pretty fast, and i loved the sight-reading challenge, altho it could never match up to the Extreme Make-over, damn. i guess only the REALLY good musicians can sight-read that particular piece at concert-tempo.

then came lunch.
it was supposed to be from 1200 to 1245, but it was already 1230 when we reached the place to eat. until nizam old me sth about the band and times. yea, i'll let you figure it.

combined was from 1 to 3.30, and that really was fast, i had to say.
i left the place at 4, had to go white sands to return JIE's library books. wasted my time sia, i was really tired.

then i went to the interchange, and MISSED the stupid bus. really, i think something's with me and the bus 5. i keep missing it.

i came home really exhausted.
and i am too now.
so, bye!

and an early happy birthday to Auntie Jeanie!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-12-08T04:57:00.000-08:00

well, i'm blogging because somebody asked me to.
so, ya
i shall try to do it long but fast.
my aunt came back (finally, after 2 years) to visit us in Singapore, from the US. with her two children. kate looks so different, and sean looks almost the same.
i wonder how, but they must've slept at 5 am this morning, and could wake up at aroun 8 am. only my aunt and kate woke up.
sean was still sleeping, all the way to 12. blame jet lag. hais.
the last time i went there was like, when i was p4 or p5, i think
and i slept every day there from 1am, and can wake at 7.
the mealtimes are very weird there (at least, for my extended family there) such as breakfast at 11, lunch at 3, and dinner at 9. it's really late there.
digression.

we went to tm to eat dinner. at a chinese restaurant.
sean didn't like the buns one bit, haha, altho he loved the soup. it was like, the best there ever is. haha

i actually have nothing to say here. sorry arh, to the person who asks me to do this post.
hais.
shall end here

~BenjaminTAN

2008-11-30T03:42:00.000-08:00

well, let's say things are much MUCH more eventful when the holidays started.

joining the alumni band just for the concert, plans to go for he TJC tune-in, and a must to turn up for the MJC tune-in, wow. my life revolves around band again, and now it's just become more interesting, i have to say.

yes, talk about music, i found my Grade 8 piece of paper that the examiner wrote on. her (yes, it's a HER)handwriting is fairly readable, but the numbers are not to be missed out on.

this is still my greatest achievement to date:

yes, for those who cannot read, it's a Distinction, 133/150.

haha. it's just a random picture. and it'll be the last i'll post.

anw farewell pics are just a few; there simply was no time for more.

now for my reflections.

this holidays... changed me, quite a bit. altho the 'betrayal of trust' thing with my brother is settled, and we're good again, i've also become short-tempered, idle, and what have you not. hais.

they said that the O levels results will determine your future, it may even change your future. Damn, i've already changed after the exam itself.

i dunno what's going to happen to me.

anw, i'm going to change my email to twjbenjamin@hotmail.com

just re-add me.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-11-25T05:47:00.000-08:00

i didn't know where to put this thought, so here i am.

Never have i been like this before.
things will never be the same again.
god damn it, even the worst teachers i had never did this to me.
and i had to do it. that places me below those damned bitches.
and i did it to my brother.
that worsens the situation.
i mean, even if he doesn't find out about it, i still cannot live with it.
i was always on his side before.
now, i'm on my own. with a secret alliance with his nemesis.
i can't believe it.

i wonder how it feels like for someone to betray your trust.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-11-18T05:10:00.000-08:00

Freedom.
let's talk about that word for a while before moving on.

to me, the freedom after the o levels was good as a whole, inclusive of a 3-day stayover at my grandmother's place with my 3 other guy-cousins on my paternal side (i'm much closer to the ones on my father's side than the one on my mother's) and we leeched a hell lot of money just by eating 2 breakfasts and a lunch.

but i digress.

there are times when i just feel, cut off from my friends and the outside world. due to the fact that i banned myself from the computer for almost 3 weeks, i seem to have lost interest in spending my time with the computer, so i get on it less, use the xbox less, and, i dunno what i do more. Really.

so, as a whole, i like the freedom ater the o levels, but, just as nick said, i feel awkward without seeing a skyhigh pile of textbooks on my table, and i feel awkward without studying. not that i study much, it's just, the feeling that you're not going to study for a LONG time.

whatever.
so, the 3-day stayover was a total leech of my grandmother's money in exchange for her face and our accompanyment (whatever the hell it's spelled).
in total the 5 of us leeched at least 80 bucks. haha.

work.
it doesn't help that i didn't use the comp during the exam period, because almost everybody could've applied for the job during october. hais.
worst comes to worst, what the heck, i'll work at the airport. damn.

so, bye for now.

and, FYI, i'd be coming for band this saturday, then, fun at grandmother's house!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-11-13T18:49:00.000-08:00

okay, the exams are over, and finally, just like anyone else, i can relax.

before i move on, i'd like to admit something: i used the computer a few days ago, when it was still in the examinations period. not for escapism purposes or to relax or anything, i used it to check my email. i had to, because my jie asked if her friend had emailed me anything about the mjc band practices. so i tried to boot my computer.

God damn, it was as if the computer was as old as me. and even so, i could respond MUCH faster than the stupid mouse, and keyboard. worse still, the web browser lagged. all in all, i guess it took about half an hour for the whole computer to 'warm up', before it could work like before.

and there was no mail from my sister's friend.
it turned out that there would be no band practices till they come back from the japan trip, which would be before the 13th of december. hais.

the examination period could be described as interesting. i can safely say that i can get a score of <15. the papers were fairly easy, and comparable to the prelims. altho, i also can say that i am damn lucky. i could remember what i studied the day before the geog elect paper, and because i couldn't do rivers, i had to do natural vegetation, which was studied the day before the paper. the social studies paper was another case of pure luck. since there was no time for other themes i just studied the principles of good governance, and it actually came out for the exam as a SEQ. with a bit of luck i can actually get a B4 for combined humanities, altho i would be happy with just a pass. that would be the greatest improvement since the starting of last year.

so, after the dratted exams, i went to try out the recreational activity that quite a few of my classmates liked to do: pool. it seemed, the more you play it, the more addictive it seems to get. time flew inside H.O.P. till marcus realised the fee was going to cost a bomb. the rates seemed exponential. so, for two tables, the total cost was around 18 dollars. altho the fee was split among the two of us, plus a bit from esmond and shaun, i had only like, 4 dollars left. hais.

well, prom yesterday night was fun as usual, but i still have one thought in my head. not going to say it here, since gabriel had a share of it, and he evaded it (as usual), but i don't care, we're still friends, and it was most probably an accident.

so, i guess i'd be blogging more actively, since i'm more 'free' now, so they say.

bye for now!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-10-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

this is my 93rd post.
Before i start on what i'm supposed to be blogging about, let me link the above random fact to it.
9+3=12.
1+2=3.
3 is the average movements in a Classical sonata. the 3rd movement is known as the finale, i think.

and so, this is it.
the finale of it all.
fast, swift, unforgettable, and one that brings back memories.

i made a promise to end it all. a promise to myself. and i wouldn't break it. not when i'm going to say it in front of here.

i promised myself i would make sure every ounce of my time would be dedicated to maximise my studying potential, till the second the Chemistry Paper 1 ends.

which means i wouldn't use the computer from the time i get off it now, till the time my O levels end.

and as i see it, only 5 people are online now, none of which read my blog.
so the time anyone reads this post, i'll be gone, like the wind.

Goodbye.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-10-07T05:52:00.000-07:00

secrets are not meant to be told. yet i spilled one. but it's only between me and that person.

the exams are just so near, i can't breathe. my stomach's not hurting me anymore, nor are my ulcers irritating me. Even sleep beckons to me after my long day of bore, messiness, whatever. after those symptoms, when you thought the worst the biggest storm has passed, that the darkest before dawn has passed, that you could try to play around, put your hand in the water, hell, even try to hold your breath under the seemingly low tide, you see the real depth of the sea. refraction of our foresight bends our point of view the way it bends light. and then, the waves start coming in. it crushes you like no other, strangling you, granting you no escape. that's exactly what i'm feeling now. i'm struggling to keep my head above the water level, looking for anyone to salvage me from the undercurrents that are pulling me under the safe zone of respiration.

it's just an afterthought of my slacking-after-prelims attitude. it's not beneficial to anyone at all, least of all me. i need a break, but when can that break come? even the worst of the tides hasn't even come to me yet. it's nearly 2 weeks away from the big thing. the thing that changes my life. either i keep my head above level, or i just sink in the water that i was trying to hold my breath in. it's crazy. i'm getting the motivation from all sorts of people, like the Principal, Vice-Principal, teachers, cousins, friends. Quoting from one of my classmates Personal Message: Only with 110% can i win the race now. it's more-or-less the SYF CJ of Display Bands, just without the performances and stuff. people who worked around you want your output to double, hell, triple the input that you gained from them. it's the way our brains work. we are all more-or-less 100% efficient motors. it's our willpower that pulls our output level of work over the 100% level. and by then, you'd have achieved a feat that is seemingly unachievable.

think about it, benjamin.

I'm going to sleep.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-10-04T04:28:00.001-07:00

wow.
i'm back to the weekly journal yet again, and there's no need to ask why: it's about 2 weeks odd away from the big thing already. and i've been damned by the God of Stress, wherever the heck he is. i'm breaking out in multiple ulcers in the mouth, having lesser sleep due to probable imsonia, maybe, and my digestive system's trying to expel all the gas i have in those meaty walls. and it starts to hurt yet again. what can i do? of course, enjoy myself. that's why i chose a perfect time to have fun. it was yesterday, the 3rd of October.

that particular day was quite eventful, i have to say. first things first, a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VANESSA! (4C) classmate, bandmate, ya.
secondly, soccer. i admit i'm still not up to mark, even as a defender, but hey, i think i'm improving. who cares? i know i catch up real slow.
that day was also the same day as the Meridian JC open house, so me and a few classmates went there. so in total it was the two Benjamin's, the two Cheryl's, ken, geng, nigel, belinda, and fiona (i think that's all. my brain's not functioning properly. i'll elaborate later)

the girls went first, simply because of the 2nd point: soccer. we played soccer. then we went, sweaty and smelly, to the tkg bus stop. jeremy tagged along with us. there we had to take a bus to the Paya Lebar MRT station. kenneth explained how walking there as a group would take a hell lot of time, and i agreed. because the 2 of us walk fast. the rest just stroll, around the same speed as my mei (amanda) when she's tired. of course they didn't need piggy-backing, but they seemed really tired. i guess it accounts for their lack of speed.

(i'll skip all the crap about taking the mrt and stuff)

jeremy alighted at the tampines station.

we left at pasir ris, and i went to retrieve my one-buck deposit from the standard ticket. no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't get the card to go in. then i realised: the STUPID MACHINE had no such function.
i had to go to the adjacent one, retrieve it quickly and admittedly angrily, and catch up with the rest. it seemed that they met up with the girls.

the open house was, simply put, splendid. wonderful. (i'm not saying this because of my jie, she doesn't even know i blog.) and i played pool for the first time there. altho the cue stick was heavy and crappy, and friction can lead to mis-(shooting) of the cue ball. but to hell with it. it was a nice experience.

then i went home with 2 bucks (i didn't eat with my classmates, i mean, what could you do with 2 dollars? buy 2 one-dollar cokes from Mac's? NO.)

and i ate, and started smsing.
then, daniel had a really great idea. "let's ton(stay up really late) tonight la." well, it was a good idea. it certainly helped me de-stress. it certainly helped daniel level his MapleStory Dragon Knight from level 74 to his current 78, and he's chionging for a 79 by tonight, maybe even higher.

i stopped smsing elise at 1.30, i think. i played GOW for the rest of the morning, and then went to sleep at 3. then i woke up at 6. dunno what i did sia. i was semi-conscious.

having a whole night's worth of fun certainly helped in the de-stressing process, altho my 6 goddamn ulcers are still in my mouth, and my stomach hurts a hell lot. but i simply don't care. my parents're not in town, so i'll let them enjoy themselves, while i enjoy myself. this has been one hell of a weekend. and it's not over yet!!!!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-26T05:14:00.000-07:00

17.

so i got a B3 for english.
ah, well.
it's my stupid CH that pulled me down all the way. stupid 8 points
time to improve.
i'm aiming for a 10-points for O-level. it's achieveable, but moderation seems so unpredictable, damn.

wtf man.
i'm pissed with the stupid 8 points.

nvm.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

now, for my scores(excluding English):
A Math: A1 (at least my calculator didn't die on me)
E Math: A1 ( i asked tr, and she said i got A1. let's hope i got a good mark now.)
Chem: A2 (couldn't add the one mark to be on par with yingcong, damnit)
Phy: A2 (added one mark, to get an A2)
CH: E8 (stupid SS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

so it's a 14 for the R5.
i really hope i can get a B3 for English, so i can get at least a 17 for the L1R5 for Prelims. it may not beat my sister, but still it's an achievement for me.

well, shall update tomorrow, with scores of English and EMath Paper 2

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

i guess, for every good mark i get, i get a bad mark in return.

yesterday, i got a relatively good mark for geog and a good mark for emath p1.
and i got a pass in chinese. with that damn 22/70 for p2.

then, i got a really good grade for a maths paper 1. 74/80 man. damn nice mark lor.
then ss screwed it up lor. stupid essay. got one mark each. 14/50 sucks to the core, i say. then combined humanities got 42. E8. it sucks, but at least it's an improvement.

well, what can i say? i didn't study for the dumb paper, so what'd you expect? enough talk about this.

bye

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-22T06:14:00.000-07:00

yes!!!!!!!!!!!
i finally passed the paper that i've been failing for far too long
28/50, and my physical section got 17.5/25, which equals an A2!!!!! finally.
altho my chinese was like, just pass=.=
i didn't really mind. i couldn't concentrate during the stupid paper. the words still so cheem to me
and my maths paper 1 got a 71.5/80! that equals about 89%, i think. i really hope i can do as well for the paper 2.
chem sucks. one more mark to A1. Physics sucks. 69.75 leh. B3 lor. damn it
okay, shall stop here.
i'm turned high.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-20T04:41:00.000-07:00

WTF is wrong with my knee?!?!?!

it just hurt like siao just now, and now it's coming back. not as in ache, but a damn sharp pain at the joint itself. wow. sitting down may lower the pain, but what else can you do while sitting down, and having a knee that hurts for no reason? damn. even doing something like playing the piano is becoming difficult. i'm fatigued. and my vision whites out whenever i stand up. call it blood circulation problem. i don't care. call it stress. i don't care. i'm not exactly stressed, so to speak. i'm (i guess) the slack-est person in the class. i really hope i can sustain the effort i had for the prelims, for my O's, if not better. simin got a 20 for her prelims. nick got a 27. i hope i can do better than them.

today's trip, from lunch at east coast road near still road south, till my knee hurt, was boring. even having my knee hurting was interesting. it hasn't been hurting for a month or two already. but no more of that. i did practically nothing in my grandmother's house. i just felt like sleeping. maybe i should have followed my jie and just stay at home. she studies. i sleep and slack. i dunno what's my problem. i think everything's over, altho it's just the prelims, and the big one's yet to come. even as i'm typing, i'm wondering why, of all times, did i not enjoy today's events, so to speak. is it because we watched 2 DVD's in a row at my grandmother's house? is it because it was exceptionally crowded there? is it because i was fatigued? is it because the place was hot and stuffy?

you know what? enough questions. i just didn't enjoy myself. end of story. good bye. the end.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-18T04:12:00.000-07:00

i suck big time at playing the Legendary difficulty in Halo 3. Plus skulls, that is.

i only switched on Catch, Tough Luck, Thunderstorm, GBP, Cowbell and IWHBYD.
only those few.
and i took a freaking 112.26 minutes to finish the damn level.
damn. whatever. i just need to finish Covenant on Legendary to complete the nice Stage list.
and i need to finish Arrival on legendary, coop. stupid. it's just a damn cutscene, that needs no attention.

whatever.
today was a freaking boring day.
jie invited her friends to study/do hw, and they ended up watching tv with me. i feel so guilty. haha.
my mum was actually talking to jie about if she didn't do as well in her promos and became the same batch as me (provided i get into MJC) and then like, wow. that'd be nice.
but i really hope she does well in this exams. ALL THE BEST!!!!!

i seem very high.
nvm
shall end here

~BenjaminTAN

and i've got a new sibling!!!!!1!!11! woots.

2008-09-17T04:57:00.000-07:00

i'm a bastard. Really, i am.
and i get worse, much worse, when i'm not feeling well/that comfortable.

these 2 statements were derived from a reflection of today's afternoon, around three, if i had remembered correctly. when i actually wanted to blog in the afternoon.

it started with amanda. she was being stupid and didn't know what was the difference between 'before' and 'after'. she also mixes up numbers and randomly writes them, without even knowing what the numbers are. to think she's 5.

then comes my mother. she was testing amanda on numbers. it got so bad, amanda said that the number before 20 is 89. my mum scolded the shit out of her, and got so pissed she said 'go and die' and tore up some papers. amanda screamed and cried and screamed and cried.

oh, and i was here, before the comp, wanting to blog about today's exams. when the noise level got so unbearable i went downstairs and asked amanda to shut the hell up. she did, then my mum started on me.
then i asked her why did she even have to scold amanda in the first place. my mum got even more pissed and started scolding me.
i carried it to a whole new level, asking her 'why did she even have to make her cry so bad.' she scolded again, and asked me who i thought i was. i told her i was her brother, and wouldn't let anybody, not even her, get amanda in such a state.
raised voices ensued, and i ended up screaming at my mother, and when she asked me to stay out of her business, i just went up to the third floor and asked her to screw herself. altho i didn't know if she could hear it.

so up i went, closed all windows that my comp was opening, and then my mum came up. she continued her scolding, so i just switched off my computer and brushed past her, back into my room.

i replied smses, then my mum entered the room.
screw it, i thought, and stayed on my chair, one leg on the table, while she lectured me.

it was then when i realised it was a huge misunderstanding. to put it loosely, it was a damn big fuck-up(sorry for the bad language).

amanda was always like that. so my mum had to scold her. it was her sleeping time, so she would feel a bit grouchy and throw tantrums and stuff. and a whole lot of stupid things i don't bother remembering. it was seriously a huge screw-up on my part. when she left, i threw my watch, my wallet, and something i don't remember.

my mum asked me if i was still angry with her, in an apologetic tone. i asked her to leave me alone, because i wanted some time and space on my own. so she left the room.

i took off my specs, and facepalmed. i soon realised that my hands were wet. damn.
after sending another message, i let loose those tears.
i felt so goddamn bad. i wanted to apologise, but my mum had already left the house to handle some things at our old house in tampines.

shit.

that was one of the worst cases you've seen on my other side. so the conflict with the stupid ms chen and homework was damn trivial. female egos. or should i put it more specifically, young women egos. stupid bitch. 'wen jern and chin kiat! sit back down!' wow. i felt sorry for thsoe around her. must have caught the concentrated bitchy aura.

the papers so far were all good. the ones i really have no confidence in are the chinese paper 2, ss, english(the whole damn thing), and maybe geog elect. i really hope i did well in that subject, i worked my ass off on rivers and coasts for a whole week.

goodbye then.

don't forget this post. i'm a real bastard.

~BenajminTAN

2008-09-15T05:38:00.000-07:00

what the hell is wrong with me, man.
my stomach pain's back and alive again.
damnit, i couldn't focus on the e math paper 2 today because of the overwhelming urgency to laosai, but i just couldn't, i had to finish the stupid paper (i didn't even feel like doing it in the first place) and then i felt better when i finished the paper.

then, 10 minutes before the paper ended, at around 10.15, the stupid urgency came back again. worse than ever.

and i was so distracted, there was a question that asked me to take bearing 'of C from A'. i did all the necessary steps to take the bearing of A from C. what a retard. only when i wrote the last statement to calculate the bearing, did i realise i was working out the wrong thing all along. what an idiot i am.

and just when i got on the bus 197, at 11.15, someone smsed me.
elise, nice one. feeling bored, so i entertained her till 3.10 or something like that. 4 hours man. when she was having lessons and stuff. i was like, wow. i don't sms in class on principle, simply because i need to focus. but her...? i'm just speechless.
naughty you.

ergh. i might have been feeling better, but i seemed to be on sedatives man. couldn't stay awake during the afternoon after 5.30. so i napped and wow. i was fresh. i love power naps. 5 minutes of beauty sleep can grant you at least a few hours of absolute consciousness. that's my tactic of trying to stay awake during my stayover nights at my grandmother's house. that was the day. damn nice, i tell you. there was a night when we played Risk from 6pm to 2am, and we just couldn't finish it. i slept a few minutes after that, to be awoken rudely by daniel who was making a hell lot of noise.

i stayed awake the whole night. isn't that just... shiok.

well, maybe i should end here, i'm getting sleepy again.
gd nites everyone, wish me luck for that damned CL paper and the physics MCQ. fx-82U, don't you dare die on me again. altho you're a different one. i need at least a distinction.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

damn. couldn't go to grandmother's house today.
car got sent for servicing.
so it was me, jie and daniel who stayed at home for that boring afternoon.
ergh. even messaging didn't save me from dying out of frustration and boredom.
i tried playing the piano, tried watching tv, using the comp, playing Halo 3, playing hp games, watched my brother maple, but i guess nothing beats hanging out with your extended family and having a really nice and good chat. it's only been a week, but i miss the other 3 guys. haiz. not mentioning the other 11 girl-cousins. i don't even know how old Lena-jie is. wow.

well, it was a boring afternoon.
to put it simply, it was a boring week. i want normal school lessons, not normal school exams. i'm crumpling under the fact that the big one's only a month away. and the pressure to get a score that matches jie, if not better. i lost to her once, and i'm not going to lose to her again, dammit. but even as i type this, i feel more and more sceptic about beating her. sure, my maths and science my be good, but my english sucks to the core, and so does my humanities. i have to say i screwed the Social Studies exam. i dunno how the hell i could possibly memorise 4 topics in one month, unless i start now. but i can't, because i didn't even buy the sec 4 textbook.

Responsibility, benjamin. it's the one thing that can bring a person down. it's also a thing, a value that differentiates a person from another. with it, one can do anything without any fear that the consequences are going to be screwed-up. but without it, one has the fear that grips him till the time he chooses to take up that responsibility.

for me, i never knew how to do anything. Not without pushing the responsibility to others.

you know what?
screw it.
i'm going to try to find it right NOW.

for now, ciao!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-12T05:37:00.000-07:00

so today had no exams for me, and i thought it'd be fun staying at home.
but no, no.
had to go to woodlands from 8-1. and its not fun sitting in a corner waiting for your mum and grandmother to finish doing their hair.
it sucks big time, i tell you.
ergh.
altho it was more of 'familiar, this place' than 'i'm bored' bcos the last time i'd been there was when i was 3-5 years old. a long time back, if you ask me.
so.

i don't even know why i'm here.
seeya all

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

before actually talking about today i'm going to direct you to this page:

http://highimpacthalo.org/forum/showthread.php?t=46787

it's absolutely amazing, the first post.
even talents like Clarence and Clement couldn't have produced something like that. i was speechless.

i would have copied it, but it would have made this post uber-long and boring.
so i gave you the choice of opening the page, it's going to be worth it.

so today's 4-hour break wasn't that well-spent, if you ask me. i was just simply walking around school, going to the hall and playing the piano there a few times. other than that, it was talking in the classroom. it's boring, i tell you.

the maths paper could be easy, but i can safely say the a math paper 2 pwned the whole cohort. it was kinda challenging, and i made a few careless mistakes, but i'm hoping for a score >80. i hope.

shall end here, with a few quotes from the webpage:
“The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass... And then you see it. White shores... and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.”

"It's easier to describe the darkness than it is the light. Daylight sings for itself, whereas nighttime is cloaked; you can fill it with ANYTHING, which is partly why we're afraid of the dark. Our imaginations take control, and thus our fears run rampant in the night. Daylight is precious and beautiful to all of us, but nighttime is more personal and more frightening because it stalks us as individuals.
We place our own worst fears into the dark."

it's beautiful.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

well, i guess today's geog elect paper was kinda easy. i just hope for good marks.
the physical section was super easy.

all i had to do was explain the river channel of a meander, draw how floodplains and levees are formed, describe how bays and headlands are formed, explain wave refraction, and do a LORMS question that was (i hope) potential for marks.

well, that was physical.
human was another thing.
i hope i do pass the human section.

that's it for tonight, gd night

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-05T05:05:00.000-07:00

now, the 77th post on lastman-standing.BS.com would be.........

my stupid illness.
wtf man.
started on wednesday night, had to sleep at 8, but tried not to. tried to keep myself awake by smsing, apparently it didn't work. slept at 9, officially.

woke up at 1++, throat dry and bladder bursting. relieved it, then went downstairs for a cup of water, read some books, then went back to sleep at 1.30.

then, i woke up at 5.30. same as before, i had a dry throat and a bladder on the verge of near-explosion. i just slept, ignoring my bladder's piteous screams. i wonder why.

finally i woke up at 9.30.

it was a full 12 and a half hour sleep. and i woke up every four hours. imagine that.
due to really bad nightmares. can't remember them now.

yesterday night was -.-
slept really well.

and today?
i laosai-ed a few times today. let's just say Lady Luck's shining on my butt.
i just hope i'm not having stomach flu.

and f***. my stomach just started hurting.

cancel those lines about lady luck.

bye~~

~BenjaminTAN

2008-09-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

now, as i'm blogging here, i think of this:

Even as the O's are arriving, just around the corner, i'm not at all affected by the close-ness of the exams itself.
here i am, relaxing, playing, having fun. the only serious time i have is in the morning and night, when i start to study. i'll elaborate later.
i actually remembered, during the stayover at my grandmother's house, that nick said that the O's were 50++ days away, and i said "oh, really? i didn't know that"
it was the same thing during the PSLE, just that i was much, MUCH worse during the pre-PSLE period. it came to me all of a sudden, and... bam! i never saw it coming. next were the results of my slack attitude, and i never saw it coming too. even with my raw score of 230, i couldn't even get into a school that was... what i thought as mediocre. it was frustrating. i really don't know what to do. the prelims are like, next week and here i am, studying only one subject that i hope for a pass in, and ignoring the rest. it's "inexpressible", so to speak. fluency and grasp of the language that i'm ranting in also helps, but here i am, with a C5-C6 standard English, and i expect myself to shout out my sorrows to everyone when i can't even pen/type it in words properly?

hais. maybe i should go back to studying my geog (YES, i'm studying geog, for that final effort to try to pass the damn subject), maybe i should go back to play, or maybe i should go back to stoning at my study table, which is a complete mess.

ergh.

i just don't want to screw the O's just like how i screwed my PSLE, many times over. it concerns my future, god dammit.

Shit.

never mind, i shall stop here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

just returned from the one-night stay at my grandmother's house, and i have to say, i would like to do this at least once a month. it's so fun!

well, went to her house at around 3, reached at 3.30. nick, jia and yang went out, so they'd be arriving later. so i was just walking around and chatting. only at 4.30 did they arrive there. so we played the xbox for quite a long time, then went to play soccer at the mount faber safra thingy.

went there, played with a bunch of adults, and got owned. shall not reveal the score, but i guess it's just because of our lousy defence, and that was like, the first time we played soccer against another team. anyway, how're you supposed to defend a big goalpost as a defender? can't use hands, and whatever. out of the five of us, 4 of us have CCAs that train the hands and arms. yang plays chuteball(dunno how to explain, it's new to me too), i was in volleyball (pri sch), daniel was volleyball and basketball in primary sch, volleyball in PRSS, and nick was air rifle. jia is in athletics, so it realy does not help in soccer. it's no wonder.

got back home at 7, and i ate the leftovers. bathed, and talked. played xbox for a lot more, and did really retarded things in the living room. jia was the first to sleep, at 10.30. yang was next, at 11.45. then nick, at 12.30. i finally slept at 1, because i was eating milo powder, and it kept me awake. daniel was the best. he slept at 3, only because his hp ran out of battery. he didn't know i brought the charger. stupid person, haha.

i woke up at 4.30, just to see jia switch on the xbox and play. slept again, then woke at 5.30. slept again. woke at 7, and lay in till 7.20-30, then played halo 2 again.

we went to the market with my grandmother, and met my ergu zhang on the way. he qing all of us breakfast. what a nice man. yes, and on the way my grandmother must've met her friends, because they're asking her if the 5 of us were her grandsons. she said yes, then they say "wah! ani zui hor, ani dua hor, ani....." damn funny. it's just the 5 of us. in all there're supposed to be 14 grandchildren, and sandy's pregnant, so she's going to be a great-grandmother. nice. then i'll have a nephew, sort of.

i ate century egg porridge. damn nice. a lot of pepper, shallots, sesame oil, and i was like, very good. the 3 dollars spent by my ergu zhang was worth it, sia.

after going back, played halo 2 AGAIN till 11, then me and daniel went back home.
went to harbour front mrt, took it to outram park, then all the way to tampines, just because my brother wanted to buy starbucks. then we went home. reached home at like, 1. that was damn long.

all right, shall end here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-29T04:41:00.000-07:00

lmao at kenneth. he's one of a kind. the biggest joker, anytime, anywhere.

example: he humps people in the damn toilet. as in the action, but not too close, and yet not too far. it's damn funny, if you ask me.
i have a video of him doing it on some einstein sec 1 for 3 seconds (in the vid) but if i had anticipated the action any earlier i'd have taken at least 10 seconds.

but enough of that.
today was some teacher's day celebrations. i think it was boring, not original, and what ever. i think it's just...
droll.
i also dunno why i blogged about this.
i'm just bored.
ok, BACK TO STUDY

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

just had a random thought yesterday, and yes. i find it very painful. let me summarise this into a few lines (i hope). elise, it's not your fault, what ever it is. i'm sorry i made you feel so bad.

when i was sec 2, i had outdoor, so every saturday i couldn't find the time to go to my grandmother's house. after outdoor was preparation of concert, so more weeks down for band, so i still cannot visit. when band step down for breaks for exams or stuff, they're not at home, they're usually on holidays, so i never saw them. even till december, after concert, they went for holiday so i (in short) didn't see my grandfather and grandmother for 6++, maybe 7 whole months, because i just asked to be dismissed one saturday afternoon to visit my grandparents.

when i was sec 3, my mind was filled with sorrow. ppl who know about it should know why. maybe if you read it closely you should know why.

now, as i'm secondary 4, and band is officially over for me, i have all the time on saturdays, but i just cannot see him again. it's heart-wrenching.

it used to be all right last time, when i was in primary school. everything was still okay then. i spent time with my extended family on my father's side EVERY saturday, so i would be able to see my cousins, aunts, uncles and everybody else.
however, now, it's different. everything has changed. the big leather chair and stool is still there, but now nobody's resting on it. one of the rooms there may have a queen-sized bed, but only one person rests on it. there would be one cup in the kitchen that nobody was allowed to use, and it still cannot be used. it will never be used.
just like how my grandfather cannot come back.

insight into the hospital, a few days before he passed (as narrated by my mum):
he would always complain of fatigue, and kept saying that he was a burden to us all. every time my grandmother entered the ward, he'd ask her to leave. however, every time he woke up from his naps, his eyes would scan the room for her, and once he saw her, he would continue staring. then he'd ask her to leave. it probably would have made her hate him, so his passing would not have been so painful to her.
only when everybody left the ward on the saturday morning 1am plusplus because he said he'd be alright, did he leave us.

when my brother reveive the call from my aunt when my parents were still sleeping, did he know. he was the first in my family to receive the news.
i only got it at 9 am in the morning, and still could not believe it.
only when i got to the funeral at around 10 with my family did i know it. i had that fearful feeling, that sense of apprehension, but i had to go in.
it was only at that time when i saw the altar, did i start to take the news in full force.

i've been trying to live on, to get on with life, to move on to greater heights, but this hateful thought cannot leave my mind.
i never should have entered band.
i never should have entered tkss by appeal through band.
i never should have slacked during the PSLE period, and gotten such a score (230)
i never should have lived.

i can never forgive myself for what i've done, why i'm just so lazy, why i'm such a coward, why i still deserve to live, why i couldn't have forseen the fact that some things will take more out of your life than others. just like life in 2007, the time when i lost almost everything, my sanity, my results, everything good in me was lost to the world. i lived my sec 3 life with a mask over me, just to hide my pain, to take my mind off things. for one, i do not forget easily. i still am thinking about him, more than before, and it's painful. i feel blank. i feel lost, and i feel that i'm losing my touch with the world around me.

it'd be better to just end it here and now, but i feel that things in life are more pleasant than others. i'd not be so selfish as to end my life, and let others lose more. they've lost enough. i have friends, and a family.

i just hope somebody'd salvage me from this seemingly irreversible situation.

bye for now.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

wow. maybe i've measured it wrongly. now it's 4cm. for some reason or another.

anyway, prelims (english) starts tomorrow! finally. i'm just feeling a bit scared for my section 2 and compre. just don't get one like the VS prelim paper, and i'd be fine.

current results put me at about 20 points now, with 5 for english, 2 for both chem and physics, 1 for both maths, and a 9 for CH. still sucky=.= but hopefully i can sustain the grade for my prelims. and do better for o levels.

shall stop here. bye

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

damned mimosa thorn. scratched(you could say SLICED) my right heel when i was playing soccer in a field. shall elaborate later.

went for social studies lesson yesterday, supposedly from 8 to 10, but mdm rosy had to leave for something urgent to be settled in school at about 9.30. left us to play basketball for 30 minutes. and then. she returned back to class at exactly 10 am. damn accurate, i'd say. to send us off? i think not. she was wanting to finish another SBQ question about reliability. Surprisingly, i (kinda) understood what was being taught. oh, well. it's SS, remember?

reached home at about 11.30, then slacked. as we went to my grandmother's house, it rained. it's actually quite surprising too. it usually NEVER rains when i go to my grandmother's house. notice i use the word USUALLY. it's because of this exception, that i used the word. so i really slept through the 30-minute ride to telok blangah (not banglah. my cousins, my bro and i were using the word accidentally while deciding on something).
So, i was pretty tired when we reached her house. might as well. the television that was connected to the Xbox was spoilt. cathode-ray tube must've gone haywire. oh, well. we're using the television for 4 hours a week. as in every saturday we'd use the television for playing xbox. 4 hours straight. it's no wonder it spoiled. watched the Olympics for some cycling thing. that Julien Absalon from France ruled. had the whole track to himself. he had a 48-second lead on the chase group, and maintained it for quite a long time. did i tell you one lap was approximately 18 minutes for Absalon? another fun fact: his number tag was 1. very fitting for a champion. the second was another French. altho his was 11. and the chase group was (i think) about 2 minutes away from the champion when he completed the 8-lap race.

i actually went to sleep for a while. it's another surprising thing. i usually NEVER sleep in the afternoon. only when i'm ill. and i can tell you i'm not ill, sick, or whatever. i had only an allergy for dust, and it never acted up since last month. I'll blame the weather. and the lesson that morning.

so (i think) 15 minutes into my sleep, Jia and Yang started making noise. so i had to wake up. and i was fresh, so it meant 'bye-bye' to my sleep. in the end, we decided to play soccer downstairs, altho the location wasn't decided yet. the 6 of us (jia, yang, me, my bro, lewis and matthew) went down. we were deciding where to play. and the blangah rise primary school field was locked, damn. so we went to some field with a proper fence to play soccer. to think i actually wore slippers, three-quarter jeans, and a shirt that was obviously not meant to be worn while perspiring downstairs. with my handphone, wallet, watch, and earpieces for my handphone while listening to music. blame me for thinking that there would be a bench for us to put all our stuff.

so we went onto the field. i had to take off my slippers, take off my shirt, and pull my pants really high to avoid the mud and all. i guess i really failed at those measures. as matthew kicked the ball high up, i tried to receive it. it landed in a huge puddle of mud. my pants were dirty. as i tried to get the ball into the goalpost from a corner kick taken by lewis, it hit my chest. as i tried to run for the ball, i got scratched by the damn mimosa thorns. Damn them! it stung for a while. although the thorn didn't stay there, the wound sure hurt as hell. as i measure it now, it's like, 5 cm long. down my right heel, while about 2 cm of it's actually an open wound. and there's sone black thing in the open wound. i wonder what it is. it's like ink. it wouldn't come off when i try to scratch it out. but enough of that.

it rained really heavily after that (it actually was showering/sprinkling when we got there. now it really was pouring. so we decided to go back to my grandmother's house. when we got back, we bathed, ate and talked. somehow, our topic got to the olympics. and we were actually debating whether Usain Bolt could've gotten the gold medal for the 400m men if he participated. then it got to schoolwork applications to work life. then my aunt was like "i know vectors quite well, as i know it's the ideal angle to the ground to throw a javelin. i also know my permutations very well, so i can apply it to 4D" then she went "calculus such as differentiation and integration is useless to me. it's more for those who do enginnering than for doctors"

well, it's all i remembered during there. did i mention my wallet was soaked, my earpieces were waterlogged, and my handphone was wet? well, they're relatively dry when i left the place. my da gu was telling us that our 'lam pah kiu zui' or something like that. it meant that our balls would shrink/waterlogged. damn funny sia.

i'm guessing it'd be a huge post by now, so i'd just stop here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-20T04:37:00.000-07:00

finally, i haven't ranted at the whole world for a long time yet. come to think of it, maybe not at all. Thus. i shall make this my first one.

this section of the post is actually dedicated to this one person who hmm... left a tag on my tagboard. the name is anon(ymous). you all should go and read it. in that good six words, he tried to insult me, tried to anger me, tried to force whatever that's on the other side of ME come out. and i shall. part of it. With a full stomach, feeling contented, slouching in the chair that sits me before this computer, i shall see how i react with that tag. like others say, one good turn deserves another.

Before eating my dinner, i can't say i wasn't insulted. anyway, since when didn't vulgar words insult? okay, i shall put this across quite straight.

first things first, people who tag, please use a name. ESPECIALLY those who flame and stuff. For the simple reason that i want to know who in this world doesn't like me, so i can return the action. (care of newton's third law) However, those who don't use their REAL NAMES that their parents gave them to flame on my tagboard, there's just this one simple, commonly-used word to describe them.

Cowards.

For the fact that you don't want me to know who you are. you are scared, you are afraid, of what's going to happen to you if i know your identity. I may just meet you someday, confront you and let loose all wrath of my voicebox and respiratory system upon your puny faces, amylase included. Hide your puny faces for all you want, cowards, but i'm telling you in your faces, even as it's deep into the dirt, to run. because if i just try building sandcastles at the beach, and try to dig a mound of sand and find you there, i'll recognise you. and you wouldn't want to know what's going to happen. i wouldn't want to know what's going to happen. maybe some kind of respect for you may form, maybe we could be friends. but i tell you, it's not going to happen that easily. Especially if i'm the one who gets flamed by a nameless coward.

now, directed at this anon guy, i've got a few words to share with you.
first, i can deduce that you may not have been brought up by your biological parents. you don't have the proper parent love that my dad and mum showers me all the time. From this: in those 6 words you used 2 offending statements, both of which contains vulgar language. the f-word may have been censored off, but i sure know what lies beneath the mask of the 4 asterisks. Sure, i may have influenced by my vulgar father, but my mother keeps it in check. So in my previous 70 posts i've only ranted with vulgar language once. which makes my probability of using vulgar language one out of seventy, maybe twice out of seventy-one(you just wait and see). at least it's better than you, who uses it once in the one tag that you put in. at least i have a complete family. unlike some nameless coward who puts sexual taunts in some tagboard that i have.

by the way, touching on sexual taunts, i'm a male, and a darn straight one at that. don't come looking for me. look for others. you've come to the wrong blog, wrong tagboard, wrong country, wrong world. even if Singapore allows gay marriages (i wouldn't think so, Singapore's a progressing country), and if i'm gay (not that probable, because i don't blow guys on principle), i'd marry a person with a proper name and initials who has a complete family. i'm that sort of person. But it's going to be delta x near zero, simply because, like i said, i'm straight.

Think i'm long-winded? Want to leave? Either way, just listen to me, it's going to end pretty soon.

go to hell, whoever the hell you are. the society doesn't need people like you. the society doesn't need you.

so i still stay at 1 vulgar post in 71.

now. on a separate note, hmm.
i just recalled, and realised, like, my last band practice was the 26/07. the parent's showcase. I really can't believe the secondary 4's of the 2008 batch would step down so quietly.
it's really unbelievable. we don't deserve it. maybe not me, but the Sec 4's who sacrificed a fraction of their studies to go for the KL WMBC put in a hell lot of work. and pain. they sacrificed a hell load of things, they gave so much for the band, and in the end they get nothing but just a Silver, world standard, and "that's it! go back and study hard. all the best for your prelims!" WTF. i'm actually contemplating NOT to go back to help the band. it's a mess. it's so bloody disorganised.

ending on a disappointed note,
~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-16T04:51:00.000-07:00

Michael Phelps is the legend.

anyone who just turned on the television at around 10.10 am and switched to the olympics swimming channel would see the 100m butterfly men round. and if you watched the first fifty metres, you'd see that michael phelps couldn't win the gold for the round.

i thought that way too, because he wasn't even in the top 3 during the point in time when he turned back and swam.

Cavic, it seemed, would win the butterfly 100m.

until, when the last few strokes, my dad was like "look, he's catching up!" and then the gold was given to phelps. Cavic had lost to him by a hundredth of a second. Sucks when you could have won with another stroke. Cavic would have won if he didn't drift to the finish. Cavic would have won if phelps didn't make that last finishing stroke which propelled him to the line first, ahead of cavic. Still, he really is the legend. In such an intense 50 metres, he fought to the finish, and actually won the damn race. that's what i call an olympic champion. Good luck for that eighth gold medal, phelps! i'd be cheering for him.

So today wasn't just about the astonishing finish by michael phelps. i went to my grandmother's house in the afternoon. didn't go band, because i really didn't see the point of it. shouldn't we be stepping down soon? but no matter. i didn't really have a great time there anyways. Made me feel like going for band. it just sucked BIG TIME. my brother didn't go ("i'd rather stay at home"), my jie didn't go ("..." i think she needed to study.) so i went with my father. it contributed to the reasons why i didn't really enjoy my time there. not because of my dad, but because i was like, alone.

Although the time there was not-so-enjoyable, the ride there was superb. my dad just bought a new car, a Mazda MX5, and could only hold 2 people in there. my dad drove us there with that car, and i have to say, it really was an experience. the car is so low, it actually feels like your feet are nearing the ground. the speed seems faster too, maybe because you're nearer to the ground.

and when we went back home, he retracted the roof of the car, and made the windows go down. it really was shiok. the wind's slapping you on your face, and what ever. your hair would get messed up if you didn't gel it/tie it. my hair was short, so it didn't really get messed up =)

pictures, plus a few others i took this month.

my dad's car, at the multi-storey carpark near my grandmother's house.

another picture, similar to the one taked above, just that my father shifted it a bit more inside.

now, for random pictures:

the front of my house. for those who're wondering, it's actually the one which has a window open. Two windows open, to be exact. it's similar to kangwei's house too. Very similar.

i was bored. so i decided to take a picture of the bus-stop outside of my window. that is the side which i take a bus to school. in most cases, 2 buses.

that's some national flag. taken when i was on bus 2, at belinda/vinnie's house. they should know about it. altho i dunno if it's still there.

and for the final one, a stupid piano piece.

i took it for fun. shows how bored i am at home. i can even walk about the sidewalk of my house, wasting time. try playing the piece, it's actually the only piano piece i find really stupid yet i like playing it. maybe to irritate people, maybe to mask my actual grade.

oh, well. maybe i should stop here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

NH3
C3H7COOH

spot the similarity?
if not, it's alright.
it's really an experience, to spill aqueous ammonia (the former) onto your hand, let it smell for a while, before it goes off in 5 minutes.

it's really another experience to try to get butanoic acid (the latter) into a test-tube, accidentally spill some on your hand (one drop, for me) and smell for one whole day. in this case, butanoic acid reeks of vomit. i accidentally got it on my thumb, my RIGHT THUMB. chemistry was the second period of the day. the smell hasn't even gone after more than 12 hours, god dammit. my jie's now complaining about the smell.

Something to add to my hate list too, i hope.

studying organic chem is one thing. Hands-on practical is another thing. Screwing-up the transferring of liquids is also another thing. When the liquid's butanoic acid,

good luck.
you'll be avoided for the day just like Rahul.

~BenjaminTan

2008-08-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

i'm... bored. thank god there's school tomorrow.

my family needs to get a life. esp. jie and mum. damn suggestive, if you ask me.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

hais, i'm still rotting
someone PLEASE rescue me from the madness.

went to parkway just now.
ate dinner. wah, jim ba. sushi FTW! got me really full. fish, rice, wasabi, and light sauce. the PERFECT combination for someone who needs a full stomach.
plus drinks, of course. my dad was like super hungry, and ate a lot. even my brother commented that he ate a lot

and my cousin just said. "you're so stupid, when you tried to throw a stone on the ground, you missed"

...

never mind. shall end here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-10T00:53:00.000-07:00

i'm rotting at homeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
if only I can go out tomorrowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

byebye.
dun disturb me while decomposing is in progress.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

HAPPY birthday Singapore!
and to those who celebrated it today, happy national day!
and yay to no school next monday.

so today was kinda interesting in the sense that...
hmm.
beijing olympics, national day. kinda coincidental huh?

and the opening of the Beijing olympics was super cool. the chinese history was displayed in just one performance, too bad i went up to my room when the chinese opera started in that stadium. i found it boring.
but who cares, it was really nice, if i could watch it again, i would. it's spectacular.

so today was like, woke up late, later than my bro who actually went for barbecue with his primary school friends, came back really late, and was complaining of fatigue in the afternoon.
i woke up at noon (somewhere around that time) and someone's jealous because i could catch so much sleep. lol

went to my grandmother's house in the afternoon, played xbox there, talked and talked. sent songs here and there to my cousins.
had a fun time there, till we had to go home around 7.15.
got back home, watched the ndp '08 till it ended, then i walked up to the third floor, to my corner of heaven, and became the blogger behind this post.

played Gears of War yesterday afternoon, and i'm enjoying it in a long while. it was, come to think of it, it was actually a month of me not sitting down and playing it. and i'm serious. i didn't know how i lost interest in halo 3, and started playing other xbox games. my interest now is with gears of war, but i'm not having an addiction over the game. seriously speaking, i'm not exactly interested in gaming right now, due to my tight schedule of work, tuition and sleep. it was boring when i had the whole afternoon to myself yesterday, with no one at home.

so, ya.
maybe i should end here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-07T05:47:00.000-07:00

rained really heavily today, at tampines. roads were flooded to the kerbs, and temperature outside went down to as low as 23 degrees (Celsius)

really cold, and VERY wet, but hey, we don't see flash floods (much) in Singapore, neither do we have the luxury of cool weather, so today (afternoon-evening) was much of an experience for those who live in the eastern side of Singapore.

damn, a-maths mock paper was easy. i hope i don't screw it like my MYEs, bcos now my calculator isn't spoilt. if i screw it, i'm pretty much screwed myself. because it's the specimen paper for this year's O' level exam.

haven't got much plans for tomorrow, how i'm going to spend it. just heard from elise we have to report to school at 6.30. in full band uniform. DAMMIT, that means i need to catch the 5.45 bus.

yeah, talking about band, they got a Silver for the KLWMBC. pretty good, seeing it's an international competition. at least we know where we stand.

right, running out of things to say, shall post tomorrow.
bye for now

~BenjaminTAN

2008-08-01T00:37:00.000-07:00

whatever i did, the choice between studies and band, was it worth it?
would it have been better to settle for my O's early, or later, after the competition in KL?

i made the studies choice, but i gave up so much of my life just to pursue a good grade. Was it really worth it?
i reached school at 6.30. saw the band get their stuff from upstairs to bring down to the assembly plaza, and at the same time some sad song called "Terms of Endearment" by Danny Wright started playing on my phone. it's a great piano song to hear. it relaxes the mood. However, all i felt like doing was crying. Recalling what happened earlier this year, how we lost to the Deyi Band, how the alumni chose to see the KLWMBC, as the Sec 4's last competition to show our best, for the rest, just some international exposure, for some juniors even, a chance to get a place in the block should some sec 4's refuse/be refused by their parents to join the band for that last competition, i could not stop the wave of emotions that surged through my heart.

the TK Band meant everything to me, yet i had to give it up while others see it go forth and fly towards and beyond the Excellence peak. school now meant nothing to me, not without at least 15% of the population gone overseas for 4 days. i now had no real friends in school, not when the band is gone. everytime i see those empty spaces in the classrooms, during my English lessons in the auditorium, i felt i really had no one to talk to. Gone, i'd say. My form, my shell of existence may be in the school, but where my spirit should be, is where the band is. Where music lies. Where the magic, the awe, and the wonder of the TK Band currently is, is where my heart and soul is. Even during my lunch with my mum at home, i just randomly started a conversation with "i wonder what the band is doing now." she looked at me, and answered it, what she think the band'd be doing currently, then asked me if i regretted not going for the competition.

I never regretted missing the competition. Looking at the band as a spectator as they worked their magic was good enough for me. but after remembering bong told me that i'd "miss it all" and when mdm nora said that she'd "love to bring me out of Singapore" i had a change of heart. maybe, i really would regret it.

As weirui hugged me before they left, i teared. it was april 12 all over again, when glenn put a consoling hand on my shoulders and rubbed my back. when i stood in front of the general office, mdm rosy joined me, and said "don't worry, i'm here with you". it really was heart-wrenching. every engine noise the buses made seem to be squeezing all the life out of me, until one bus left the school. as i waved at all of them, at every single one in the bus that i could not see, tears welled up in my eyes. until all of them left, i stood motionless, and a single drop of tear left my eyes for the ground. i stared at the empty space where the buses were, then at last, left for the assembly plaza.

All i ask of my section is to do what they were meant to do on the field, to contribute to the band's slickness, to add colour to the music that the band plays, and at last, to really enjoy the competition.

I have a good feeling about the KLWMBC, that we'll be one of the top, if not the first. we will show everybody from across the globe to know how we pride ourselves as TK Band members, the best band in the land.

For now, as i'm sitting at the computer,

Godspeed, TK Band.
Anoneh Pakuke.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-26T05:27:00.000-07:00

what i'm going through is very like taking a bus 2 straight to tk. that's what i found out today.

i get on the bus, and enjoy the ride.
but i have to alight the bus at some point in time, and so i get off. from there i see the bus move on, not as a person who took the bus, but now as a 'spectator'. when it gets out of sight, i move on.
eventually, i'll reach my destination.

it's just like my life in the tk band.
i enjoyed all four years of it. until my parents didn't allow me to join the band for the one last competition, so i step down as a participant in the KLWMBC, and become just an external helper, of sorts. from there i see the band rise and fall, and when it gets out of sight, when it's really time for more things to be carried out, i move on, towards my destination.

i don't really know what my destination is, i can't really see it, but i still march towards the vague direction where i think it should be. as time passes, i'll see it much clearer, and from there on i'll progress.

when i see them perform, i feel so awkward. even as my expressionless face shows literally nothing when i fold my arms, i was actually thinking of the band, how it could progress from there, and how sad i am, not being able to participate in whatever the majority is participating in, to the extent that i can tear a few drops of it. but hey, being a spectator of sorts isn't that bad after all. when i took the video at the centre line at the hall side facing the field, i finally saw the whole show for myself. how... wonderful and magical.

(even as i am blogging, i'm looking at the video that i just took.)

it cannot be put in words.

maybe i shall stop here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

i went to the meiden-meridian concert yesterday, and i have to say it was fabulous. the bands were equally good, the tone of the band, and the songs were recognised, especially DPM. it was really good. however it was by meiden, so yeah. i kinda expected that standard.

brian got a recording of weirui saying "hello mingwei i love you" and it was damn funny, can. he just kept saying that and didn't know when brian was recording it.

so.
shall end here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

i really don't know what i'm doing.
why i turn up for band practices when i'm not even going kl. why i help the band every week when i can go home, rest, study or what ever. it's just so... meaningless. i do everything to help the band, but in the end i'm not even in the damn show. what logic exists?
here i am, exhausted, after an exceptionally long ride home by bus, in front of the computer, relaxing, when i can actually do homework and not get shelled by various teachers, or i can start really practicing for my dip next year. i can do a whole lot other things at home than in school. maybe... school is my second home. However, nothing beats the warmth, the endless activities we can do, the joy of being in our permanent and only Home.
now, i start to think a lot like my father. i think if i do not go for the kl trip i shouldn't even go for the practices in the first damn place. but i seem to have gotten an addiction for turning up once a week, i can't stop. i love band, and i want to continue (thus i tried to dsa). however i don't feel like part of the family that the majors, the alumni, the bandmasters stress over and over again. i feel... separated from the real family that works together as a team to achieve what they see ahead, lying for the catch. i feel insignificant. i feel no longer like a band member, but an external helper.

however, i really cannot put in words how proud i am for the band, simply because they progress wonderfully even without a group of sec 4s, and see where they are now. from a april syf half-completed piece of work, we now are at the peak of our performance, and i bet the judges will be shocked at how much things we can cram into our april show. it may not be a totally different display, but i can bet again that we can soar. towards excellence and beyond excellence we shall progress towards.

i think i should leave them be, let then excel, while i progress on to my greater heights. FIRST OF ALL, i need to get a L1R5 of below 20. at least. to warrant me a place in mjc.

screw it. in about maybe 2 weeks i'll already step down, with the rest of the sec 4's. then we'll study.
go ben, go. i can make it.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

right, today was one of the days i can go online on a weekday, simply because my dad's out to thailand working, till friday. (he's the one who forbids me using the comp. the next reason is simply....
i have the frigging time to blog, hihihihihi

right.
woke up late today, realised i could still catch the early bus.
reached bedok at 6.30, just missed the bus.
and i saw kenneth there.
doing nothing. =.=
he said there was no reason to reach sch early.
wow.
then cheryl (anne) and chen entered the interchange.
chen then started talking about my attire (where's your school shirt? why isn't it there?)
damn lah.
then kenneth started talking about me kena kaopeh even before i reach school. dammit, i dun care.

racial harmony bullshit celebrations were boring. tho the kdb session was kinda interesting, i have to admit. learned something new.

after all the crap, we had english test.
i feel that my section one was a fine piece of work, tho the section 2 was stupid. i wrote 3/4 of a page. who cares. screw it

then i went for sectionals til 4, then piano lesson, then home. ate leftovers for dinner =.=

hais
i'm bored. someone talk to me, please.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-20T02:10:00.000-07:00

one fast thought brings to this conclusion:
i am invisible/transparent/cannot be seen/worth ignoring

it's been happening the past few days.

just asking anyone i know who drops by, do you want to go for the combined concert at mjc, 24th july? 10 dollars a ticket, and mjc's performing with aichi meiden highsch band. they're really good.

just thought of friday, last friday.

gabriel, damn you.

there's no need to take that sarcastic tone with me. i know exactly what the time was. i have a watch, for goodness sake. i even feel uncomfortable not wearing it out. so what exactly's your problem? feeling unwell's not a good excuse. AHEM, it's not even a good reason to start with. the weather was perfectly fine, if you ask me. and the time was as good as band hours. and lastly, i am also suffering with you, if you're even suffering in the first place. please. that bullshit has gotten me so worked up. the time. 5.30. it's only a goddamn 30 minutes from the expected ending. and i'm not the one controlling who gets to leave first. talk to the teachers, if you may. because i'm not. i'm the one incharge ONLY for the band thing, nothing else. i just stand infront of the band and wave my hands in front of a, what, 20++ strong "band" under the rotunda? it's not my fault if we end late. it's not my goddamn problem if we end late. try asking any of the majors in 2006 "the band hours states 9-6, why do we end up ending the band at 6.30, and start leaving at around 7?" and then, even when the thing ended, you didn't even leave the damn place. you just sat there in the canteen, looking like you were thinking that the whole world owes you something in exchange for the 30 minutes that you and the 20++ people who sat with you "lost". sure, the band grumbled, i could hear it, and you had to voice it to the person in front, trying to catch whatever's going on during the damn thing. i didn't ask for it. this is not whether you look good by being the voice of the band. the voice of the band is music, not snide remarks about the time. the band shuts up. including you, regardless of post.

i may be of the same age as you, same level, but please. i didn't need that bullcrap about saying that it was 5.30. try doing that on someone older than you.

bottom line: if you irritate me, don't come to my blog, because i'll be bitching about the damn person who ticks me off.

sorry if there's any one who just drops by; it's VERY hot up here in the 3rd level.

and i'm hungry.
read between the lines.

ergh.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-19T05:38:00.000-07:00

woah.
today was interesting. (probably means i have nothing else to say)

it was maths lesson first with chen, BORING chen. corrected her english for the 3 hours of lesson
altho we had breaks in between, and if any band member saw me at the street soccer court i'm just playing and relaxing from the BORING lesson.

finished lesson at 12 and then waited for band to break for lunch at 12.30. wtf, they reverted to the 1-hour rule for lunches during outdoor period, damn. explains why many sections were at lucky bread.
(inclusive of horns, flutes, half of clarinets, majors and kenneth)

wow. had a good time during lunch.

band after that was kinda slack, watched vids first until 3-something, then went to the field and practiced till 4-something when it rained. hated my specs wet, lucky i put it in my pocket first. from there it was kinda okay.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
and i'm bored.
fun fact: my phone bill went up to 58 dollars. dunno how, but i already promised i'll stop smsing as much as last time (10 dollars bcos of unwanted stuff that singtel just signed me up for, 10 dollars for sms exceed, and a bit for 28 more minutes of talk time, limit was 100)

my highest so far lah.
promised already, what can i do?
don't sms and call lurh.
haiz.

okay, shall end here.
byes

~~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-11T04:04:00.000-07:00

if you actually notice i'm not blogging on a daily/regular basis, reason: it's school.
keeps me really occupied.
so here is my hours out of home:
Mon: 0600-1930
Tue: 0600-2130
Wed: 0600-1815
Thu: 0600-1945
Fri: 0600-1700

and they're school days, somemore, added to supplementary classes, tuition, piano lessons, and apparently there's band on fridays for those who're not going to kl. for some national day thing. i hate the late hours. Now, i'm sick of school.

i only blog when i have the time, like now. i'm super free. not doing anything, so jsut switched on the comp to blog (after letting the comp reboot after some software update) and listen music (on the xbox, next to the comp).

think of this statement, and try to figure out what it means:
"a ranking of 2 out of 30++ who tried is actually VERY GOOD for me, and i'm glad i made it"
i think only kenneth kor knows about it. plus me, of course, and my jie, since she was the one who told me.

so school was pretty much draining on the brain and nerves on me, and my class makes fun of ms. chen more than ever, making the lesson more fun and enjoyable. Even so, it's VERY difficult for me to actually even think after school.

waited for dad at the marine parade library busstop. turns out that he actually made the effort to make a lot of u-turns just to get to my side, and i'm waiting for him on his side. haiz.
being thoughtful isn't enough, you need to be someone who reads minds over the telephone. how cool'd that be?!

so i had quite a lot of people who congratulated me on my success.

oh, yes. i had a really good laugh today.

when walking to the tkgs busstop with yash, anand and darrel, they stopped to kick some bottle (near the backalley)
yash tried to kick it
and his shoe flew into some house adjacent to the backalley.
and the family was out (no car, even the neighnour said so)
took him about 20 minutes to get the shoe out of trouble. using a bamboo pole.
then we're all saying "let's do it again, it's fun" and yash said "no thanks. let's go"
LMAO.

ate lunch at 3.30, so i can't eat now, my lunch slowly digesting (it's chicken rice, btw)

shall end here, byes.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-07-05T06:48:00.001-07:00

haven't updated for the last week, i think.
whatever.

happy belated birthday zhining
happy belated birthday yansiang
happy belated birthday lisa
happy belated birthday nigel

their birthdays are all in order, one day after another. nice, huh?

anyway, i went for DSA at MJC yesterday. from 5.30 to 9.30, 4 hours zzzzzzz.
will post pictures here later, as in maybe next post. weird lah.
my comp's lagging, so it explains.

went there, first person i recognised was my jie. did a few forms, filled in name, then went to practice.

finally, at 8.00 i got in the music room.
at least the conductor had a sense of humour.
she asked me to fall in.
commanded me around the small room, then i got to sit down.
i screwed up 2 times inside, was so nervous sia! goes to show how seriously i was taking it. but i think it was nice.
the atmosphere was nice; almost everybody acted as if they knew you, wanted to make friends with you, not like TJ :x

so i finished at 8.10, i think
then gab and kiat left the place.
i waited till 9.30, until jie asked me to go off first, bcos she had a meeting =.=
so, as quoted from elise, 'bai deng'
haiz.
jie got home at 10.30.
slept late, mayb around 11, lost track of time, i just was sleepy.

today. woke up fresh, at 6.45.
got to school, had geog lesson, and was stuck in school.
didn't know where to go for lunch.
in the end i decided to go dunman food court, same as elise :D
then there got no food. lols
went to the coffee shop after food court.
saw christine there, with 2 others.
didn't know who they were. HOW BLIND COULD I GET?!?? LOL
nvr mind, i have a feeling everybody knows who they were.
had late breakfast/ early lunch with them, then left. i have to say the lunch was quite okay (weird). they walked too slow, so i just solo-walked back to school.

then had band.

longlong band.

then after band, i went to see the dmns.
no comment here, i just thought they were good.
went home by bus zzzzzzz
then ate PIZZA!!! yay
and bathed.
it's kinda my 2-day diary, until now.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-30T06:16:00.000-07:00

wow. (with a nasal sound)

my new favourite word for now.

started during physics. i just randomly said it. and found it amusing. so i used it to irritate chinkiat and ivan.

today was more or less a 'science day'.
science all the way lah. please.
physics lecture
physics lesson
sciences tuition

damn sian, can.
finished EVERYTHING at around 7.30

bought drinks, then crossed road by bridge (i could have sworn i almost screamed when i slipped and almost fell on the bridge.

i'll never cross bridges again!
not till i get over the incident. i always was afraid of bridges
but this was terrible.

ergh.
ergh.

and i learned a new Cantonese phrase today! see my PM if you can, while you still can. it's becoming more vulgar by the minute.

and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIONA

if she didn't receive me and kiat's msg.
bcos he smsed her old no. what an idiot.

it was
hey. happy...

and kiat was supposed to say ...birthday.

but it failed, thanks to him.

lols

oh, well.

3 birthdays coming up in the next 3 days.

and my FREE SMSES come tmr!
really can't wait.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

right.
yesterday was supposed to be an enjoyable day.
SUPPOSED, god dammit.
until after band.

**** him lah. what the hell's his problem? What i do is near none of his business god dammit. i also didn't ask him to come fetch me, too. i didn't ask for anything, if he's angry at the school, he also shouldn't take it out on me, right? i, of all people never did any wrong to him, **** it. he doesn't understand me, that idiot. all he does is hope i'll do my homework.

I really can't take it anymore lah. Please. tired, and irritated from band. this is what i deserve, issit? maybe i shouldn't even ****ing come for band lah. may as well go out and not see your **** face.

I don't need your help, you hear? I really don't. i don't DESERVE your help, since i'm so inferior to you. i don't care if there's a difference between you. it's not my fault, you shouldn't take it out on me. Because i also don't want to go anywhere. Maybe to hell. **** it, i really don't care.

failure of mankind.

scram.
get lost.
buzz off. i don't need you.

if you see "****" it means the f-word. i don't want to see dirty stuff splashed on my blog, you see. especially by me.

Ignore my rants, please. It's not worth reading, first of all, you wouldn't understand it.
and i'm really not going to tell you who that person is. it's kinda obvious.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-27T05:19:00.000-07:00

i have a confession to make.

but i'll do that later.
for now, please, welcome the HOD of teh Science Department, Mr. Tan, who counts in tens, not ones.

he asked me to run a hundred rounds around the chem lab, simply i didn't have the notes. Because, i forgot my asknlearn password. and i forgot to photocopy. blame it on my forgetfulness.

so i ran ten, and he asked both me and nigel to stop. (nigel ran 22)

english was interesting. oral practice, for the whole class to hear. harden your head and skin, and do the conversation topic with no shame. i did, and i got a perfect score, 5/5, for thinking about the topic for a second, and talking for more than a minute.

and i'd like to say this:
i'm an english-speaking person. Rarely would any person hear me converse in mandarin.
i speak more hokkien than mandarin. but no more of that.
i speak eng, and it affects my results in this way:

eng marks is lower than chinese marks
eng oral marks is higher than chinese oral marks

do i really need to speak mandarin? for the sole purpose of pulling up my L1, and to get a nice B grade for Chinese for my 'O's? if so, so be it, and i'm serious.
END OF DISCUSSION

so i had recess, e maths (vectors, BORING vectors test) and chinese. i had fun during chinese.
tested clement on his conversational skillz (near negligible) and had a really nice discussion about our life (more about clement's passion for martial arts), till schoo ended, and i found out that i didn't need to stay back for any chinese supplementary classes, so i went out for lunch with gab, adam, joel, darrel, kai wei and joe, i think. after getting consent from my mum, that is.

so we went to katong shopping centre to eat.
then i entered the Home of Pool.

this, is where my confession starts.
ignore it while you still can.

i entered a LAN shop, and played one kill of Half-life 2 on the computer.

then i left.
this, is where my confession ends.
like i said, ignore it, it's no use finding out, anyway. i didn't commit some crime, i just entered a place where most (gaming)TKsians enter, and it was my first time.

so i took bus 10 and 2 back home, where i slacked, ate, and blogged.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

although i've not been blogging for a few days now, i have nothing to say.

really.

it's a new start, new semester, but i can't find the correct words to say it.
and for those who noticed why i'll not blog as frequently, it's just this word: school.

It's not an excuse, just a word. a reason. it's Sec 4 now, and i have to kinda catch up on my studies again. even homework seems fun, you know. you should try it some time.

and my DSA Autition's on ID4! lols

hmm.
i'll just briefly explain what happened today.

first period, ms. mildred yap told us about the SGC thing.
then chem.
then phy.
RECESS
Chinese, did our own 'bao zhang bao dao' kind of thing.
did i tell you i got a pathetic 13/30 for my conversation topic when ms low called me out for some training?
i suck.
nid MORE chinese conversation. please.

then, had A Maths.
i thought it was E maths, dammit. got a scolding from ms chen.

photocopied my report book.
had SS (sleeping session), then school mercifully ended.
for the lower sec, that is.

i had a math supplementary, with mr. kang.
then went home
tuition
went to do my ezlink stuff
then went back home.

Roughly like that lah.
my mind's blank

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

went to some shopping mall yesterday (why can't i remember the name?) to eat dinner and watch the Hulk with my family. quite uneventful, just that i liked the movie, although it's a bit short.

Now, for my self-reflection.
this month, i've collected a few memories and decided to dump it all here.

Look at this statement.
"The most suitable person to ask for the time would be a typical working Singaporean man."

now, why'd i say that?
i learnt it from one of my tuition, during some random chats with my teacher and classmates.
he said his watch is the most accurate, in Singapore, that is, because he sets it according to ERP time.
now, think about that, going side-by-side with the previous statement in quotes.

and second, this holidays are simply put the most boring holidays EVER.
First, because band kinda has no meaning to me. i'm doing nothing but odd jobs, to supervise the flags, take the umbrellas, and whatever. I decided that I'm not part of the show, which in return drags me far from the band. whatever i try to do to narrow the gap just helps to widen the gap more, to the extent that i can just say "screw it" and just quit the band altogether. There's just no sense to it all.
Yet, i still turn up for practices.
Maybe it is the result of absolute boredom.
Maybe it is the result of my need to escape from my absolute boredom.
second, i've got myself addicted to messaging by phone, when i burst the 500 free sms limit, i look at myself and say "why have i nothing to do?"
ergh. i still adapted to the "no sms" condition, and did A BIT of work.

third, for those who realised why i'm sleepy and yawn at every single thing in this world, it's not as if i haven't got enough sleep. i have.

lastly, my grandmother just came back from surgery.
can't explain it here. DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
then thinking about her in a hospital would be the cause of me in emo these few days, maybe quite speechless, staring at the rain for no reason. it drags past memories to the present, i have nightmares during the night, extreme exhaustion during the night, and my brother now complains that i talk in my sleep. again.
sighs
can't help it. it just links my whole life together, and just when i'm about to live on, the words "Chinese New Year" float back to the concentration bit of my brain, and i think too much about it.

i think too much about it, god damn it.

i think i've changed during this holidays, and i'm serious. attitude-wise, character-wise. i've been a bit gangster-like at home in the afternoon. recently, i screamed at my mum for no reason. Even after apologising and some forgiveness i just cannot fathom my change of attitude during these few weeks. Indifference, laziness, everything bad in sec 2 gets raked up from the graveyard soil and gets integrated into my character.
i need an end to this, and i mean it. without help i may just torture myself again, just like old times (sec 2), and i don't want that to happen.

For those who see the change in me, i really apologise for my aggression, my hostility, and whatever.

I need to forget.
maybe, sometimes, it's really better to forget.
it may just lead to my insanity.
I NEED AN ESCAPE FROM THIS MAD WORLD

please. help me.

~BenjaminTAN

P.S.: my Cortana run's out in HSH

2008-06-19T01:09:00.000-07:00

yesterday's band camp was....
interesting.

we finally got to see the 'guru' as quoted by Mr. Siao. Young, but experienced. I didn't think he'd be that thin. Neither did i think he'd wear spectacles. I also didn't think he'd have an accent.

He was nothing that i thought he'd be, but ONE thing came out correctly: he was GOOD.

learnt the DCI marching style in the morning, let him see the different formations in the afternoon, and practiced till evening. I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SEC 4'S CANNOT SLEEP OVER!!! i seriously don't get it.
wouldn't it save us the travel cost? sure, we'd find our breakfast and dinner by ourselves, that's for sure, but i don't see the point of us not staying over.

i mean, it's not as if we'd STUDY our socks off when we reach home. i mean, it's just a frigging 2-night stay, what's the big deal?
never mind.

i was awakened from my sleep very 'rudely' by my jie. That's what she does. was tired, maybe because i ate nothing before chasing a bus for 3 stops, and vomiting in the bus. (Yesterday)

Now, i'm not so in a good mood as i was before. Didn't really feel like blogging, but then, i'd have nothing to do other than sleep.

Now, hear this sentence out: "i have nothing to say."

now, that's wrong.

I'm just bored.
Study kills.
So does band.
Maybe i should do nothing and just stare at the computer screen.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-16T04:34:00.000-07:00

MOAR PICS FROM THE 14th OF JUNE!!!
(during camwhore session, but not so, since it's only a few)

For starters, at home:

Pay your respects, bitches! (jk)

First glance, you see only me and Jia.
Second glance, you see me, Jia, and labels on the table.
Third Glance, (go look at the labels yourself lah)

More solo shots:

if you're as blind as i am when wearing those spectacles, you'll not recognise those spectaclse as unfamiliar, UNLESS you've seen Claire in it.
imagine me saying, "Hello, sir. I'm selling insurance, sir."
i did that behind my mum.
she freaked out when i called "Mrs. Tan, ....."

me, jie, and leinad (not prepared yet)

now he's ready.

random shot...

now, get ready..... for the "Boy-Band", consisting of Nick, Jia, Yang, me, and Leinad.

(at attention)
nick, jia and yang look as if they went on vacation

we were pointing to the Exit sign, but my jie didn't capture that

grabbing the railing, and each other's heads. I finally know that leinad's taller than me

emo.....

we're tired! can't you give us a break?
so...

we sat on a chair.
Featuring the guest 'player' in the Boy-Band: Liagiba

and so concluded the cam-whoring session.

WOW. the wireless network's lagging so badly, i'm typing each sentence even before the pic starts uploading. and i'm typing this as the last picture uploads.

Haiz.

Shall end the post here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-16T01:29:00.000-07:00

today's another unevenful day.
woke up at 9.45. Quite unexpected, seeing that i lacked about a day's worth of sleep. ate. whatever. i kinda forgot again. must be the lack of sleep.

and in the morning i took out the Halo 3 disc and started playing. then some thought hit me. 'mayb i should try to drive an Anti-Air Wraith. So, i did it mostly by trial and error, and a small little tutorial at HIH, so to those at HIH, thank you.

Time for my own Tutorial. For those who're not interested in Halo 3, please skip this bit.

For starters, you can use a PP to EMP the AA wraith, then get on.
Box off the lid that hides the driver from the outside world.
Box off his shields.
Now, duck at a spot just a bit south-east/west away from the hole which hid the driver, till you boxed off the lid. Make sure that there are no prompts to board the enemy wraith.
Make sure you don't move, or a prompt might appear.
Shoot the driver and hold RB (just do it, altho there's no prompt) so when he dies, you will get on the wraith immediately.

A relatively simple procedure, actually.
as you get better at it there'll be no need to use the PP.

So, for those who're not interested, i'm now back on topic. Care to stay on board with me?

so.
lunch was leftovers again.
slacked the whole afternoon.
then here i am.

and i have a confession to make.

I'm an addict.
having just exceeded my 500 free smses, i feel bored.
think about it
maybe i need to do a bit of self-reflection.

Haiz.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

the 44th post of lastman-standing.blogspot.com shall cover 3 days.

(look at the temperature of the car.)

this was on friday:
nothing much, just that i went for piano lesson at plaza singapura at 3. and at the yamaha school at the second-highest level(dunno which level larh) i saw a marching french horn.
it looks...

i saw it coming. i knew it'd be as weird as how it looks like in the photo. and i know i wouldn't want to march with that. and i know that my section'd second my thoughts here.

oh, well.
at 4 my bro came to plaza to go to nai nai's house for STAYOVER, woots.
in home clothes and a cap.
i wish he'd let me take a pic of him.
then we went kfc to buy some food. he had no breakfast and lunch.
then we went to starbucks (i stayed outside) to buy coffee. my brother, that is. i never liked coffee. bitter and whatever.
from the busstop nearest to plaza sing, we took 124 all the way to the henderson bridge (which was like mayb a kilometre off the ground, i dunno. if someone fell off he'd have a lot of air time) because my mum asked me to. and asked me and leinad to walk into the telok blangah heights. turns out she was wrong to have said that, and i was wrong to believe that. because.

124 turns straight into telok blangah heights.

but we didn't care. we took 273 into the road. i couldn't care much. my bus pass was still valid. leinad, however, wasted 55 more cents. his ezlink card had no money.
maybe i should phrase it to 'i wasted 55 more cents' because the coins came from my wallet.

whatever.
we went to nai nai's house, to find that nick, jia and yang hadn't even arrived. they arrived at 6, sweaty and all. then simin arrived. earlier than them, just to eat dinner with us. lols. with her mum, since nainai's going to cook for all of us.

after dinner, my aunt woke up from her sleep. and came out fro the room, giving the 5 of us all the time we wanted on the xbox. however, we could only play till 10, the maid required sleep.

WARNING: to those who're not used to seeing skinny people who bo cheng sah (never wear shirt) , please scroll down and close your eyes

jia(left) and yang(right)

parteh! nick's the one nearest to the camera.

need i say more? me and jia

we were bored, to cut a long story short

and did i tell you jia wore a blue FBT shorts?! the one that the netballers usually wear.

well, that was all.

for playing, that is.
because i slept at 3.30. jia was scratching his body all over (his hobby). damn noisy. and i had to shift out of my comfortable position to pull my blanket up, took about 30 mins to adapt and adjust.
and i teng sah and kor (if you dunno, it's a blessing; it's in hokkien, btw)
because it was just so warm under the blanket, and just so cold without the blanket.
then i slept.

woke up at 5.30, for GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON. i really dunno. that's how ppl wake up from a nice sleep.

lay in till 6, when everybody woke up. bathed in supersuper shiok hot water, then we had to leave.

for da gu's house, which was also in telok blangah, required a 5-min drive from my nainai's place.
and my da gu zhang fetched us all to his house. quite a few ppl were there already, and we just went in to take a look at shawn.
hmm.
i dunno how to say. in home clothes, yet had her make-up put on. it was a weird sight.

at around (forgot the time, i think around 0730-0800) steven arrived, and everybody was there already. locked up the place, we left, and went downstairs.
nick's finest moment (opening the door for steven) and receiving a 20-buck red packet in return. haiz. if only i was born bedore 9 july. haiz again.

went up, and from the games began.
he had to look for a plastic bag, which contained a pink bra and a sash which showed "bride-to-be" and he had to put it on.
pics, 2 of them, damn. the rest were videos.

bra...

and sash.

after that he had to learn on the spot how to play 'twinkle twinkle little star' on the violin, thanks to my jie. he picked up pretty fast, i had to say.
after much ear-bleeding time, we got to go in.
then more games began
he had to sing a chinese song and an english song.
2 english songs, and one chinese song, to be exact.
the chinese song was sung by his brothers and him (tian mi mi)
and he sang 'twinkle twinkle little star' with improvisation ("twinkle twinkle little star, you are brighter than a star" was his last 2 lines)
and another eng song.

FINALLY, the door opened.

FINALLY, the house was quiet (15 mins later)
then the 5 of us plus matthew (jennifer's bf) went to the bukit merah macs to eat some proper breakfast.
after eating, we went back.
and...
jia slept.

how peaceful he was.

then we did a lot of stuff, played cards, ate lunch, tea ceremony, played more cards, socialised, and whatever before we went home.

AND, for those who don't even know, shawn's my cousin. on my father's side. i've got a lot of cousins, due to the fact that...
my father has 7 siblings, not including himself.

went home, slept, ate, bathed, played piano, dressed up (though not in chronological order)

and there you go.

i wouldn't be surprised when ppl go "WTF?!" at this because i only wore this for 3 occasions.

then we went for the dinner.
me, jie and leinad had to play piano at the reception, but i think nobody heard; they were talking too loudly.
but, i think they heard my Gershwin piece, since the starting was quite loud.
finally, we could get in.
(pictures and videos will be shown later, as in last part of this post)
ate dinner.
superb, i say.
wonderful, i say.
non-filling, i say.
that's the catch.
there were 10 ppl at my table. including me.
so i just ate.
then in between meals we cam-whored. i had to say, it was quite an experience.

whatever.
reached home at around 12.30. slept at 1.

to end it off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABRIEL!

now for the pics. slowly synchronising with jie via msn.
all pics not taken by my camera's going up below.

you know what...
i'll edit.
stupid jie's offline now

bye. For now.
~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

this post is requested by elise.

got another chatting record.
14 hours.
on monday. from 9 to 11.
won't elaborate on it, you probably know who the other party is.

yesterday's band was... quite meaningful, in the sense that... it was meaningful lah.
interesting too.

started with morning. woke up at 6.30. got the 7.10 bus, till the end of haig road. strolled down haig road, took 10 minutes, then went to school. and i thought i was early.
elise and kaini reached school at 7.30, only to practice steps! it's like, i don't really see the point of practicing steps. if you memorised the steps, when you get on the field you'd get it all correct what... but there they were. goes to show that they didn't do it at home. lols.....

band started at the same time.
i was hoping there was sectionals, but there wasn't. damn. we went for combined, BORING combined, and those media ppl arrived again. DAMN irritating, can. like leeches. worse than leeches. asked us to do some outdoor for them to see and shoot. so weirui had to go on the field, for the first time. quite good lah. his gimmicks improved.

then we had lunch.
at kfc, thank god the 16 bus driver saw us flagging. then we went.
with weirui. isabel disappeared halfway. dunno where she went to. joined us halfway at kfc. jsut when nadia went off. disappeared too. ya. for the first time i ate so slowly! at kfc, that is. my slowest was when... i was sick. ya.

then afternoon practice. in the hall.
then field all the way.
i followed ian to see the marching baritone, and that took only a minute. when i went to the field the first thing i heard was 'benjamin i miss you'.........
.....
.....
.....
then did formations here and again.

when everything ended, i realised i had no time to rush back for tuition at tampines, and it starts at 8. so ivan's dad fetched me home (thanks, uncle) and i bathed, ate, slacked, b4 mum fetched me for tuition.

tuition was another normal lesson, only that the teacher told us 2 stories.

WARNING: MAY FRIGHTEN YOU.
he has a nephew. nephew has an imaginary friend.
like to play together.
then one time teacher's sister asked her son why the friend never do prayers together. the son said, "how to pray? he has no head."

second story:
his friend's daughter has an imaginary friend.
everything must do together.
bathe, eat, sleep, read, play, go in/out/up/down must wait fot the friend.

so of course very ma fan for the mother lah
then one night the mother and daughter were on a taxi at siglap.
stopped at a red light.
then daughter asked if can open door.
mother said why?
daughter said...

friend needs to go out.

so the mum was surprised. they were inseparable, so it was quite unusual.
then she looked out and saw...

the siglap cemetery.

ok. end of post.
hope you like it (the story)

and elise! i'm still waiting for update!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-09T01:12:00.000-07:00

today: one of the many days that i spend at home.
i can never imagine how others spend more time out than at home.
i mean, what's the point? may as well just do some work, slack or sleep, or just play the whole day. That's what a home is for. not jsut a place for lodging or whatever, but to have fun too.
all right, that's way out-of-point.

So...
woke up at 8. saw that daniel and jie already left the house. and so had dad. listened to music, and watched a few videos. till i found out that mum had left the house to fetch my mei to school. then i went upstairs to play N3 and GOW. actually, GOW first, then N3. i sucked at gow already lah! play casual ("you enjoy the occasional shooter" so they say, and it's the easiest difficulty ever) and i can die every checkpoint 2 times at least! i was so frustrated with myself, i switched disks, and played N3. that was at 10.30.

played till 12, then my mum asked me to go out with her. to go woodlands, since nobody'd be at home. luckily i saw no point in going from east to north, or i'd die of boredom in the car. i called leinad and asked him to buy some lunch for me (lols).

played more and more till i got bored, and used the comp. chatted on msn till my bro came back. with a 6-dollar Subway sandwich. he's mad. i dunno how he has that kind of money. but no matter. it tasted delicious. tuna and some meat. i think it's chicken. ate on the third level, heehee, and after that continued to chat till i had to reboot my comp bcos it lagged REAL BADLY. Reboot as in from the powerpoint switch. i know it's bad, but i had to get it working again. it booted fairly fast.

and i started chatting again. and playing again.

hmm.

i think that's all.

and elise wants me to teach her piano!! lols

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

today's a Sunday.
yet i'm posting about yesterday's band practice =.=
ya. i was bored yesterday, but also too bored to blog, so here i am.

yesterday's band practice started at 9, and i arrived at 8.20 or somewhere near that time. Went to put back my mouthpiece in the horn case, then thought better of it. i now have no horn. mine's with wenhui. so when i dsa i need to see that horn fixed, and i have to bring it all the way to mjc. sianzzzz.

ya. so i went back to the bag room to put my bag.
and i played the piano all the way till fall in time.
first, we went for sectionals. due to the fact that i'm not going for the trip, and did not have to memorise anything, i went to take the sec 1's. with firza.
took an outdoor snare drum to do the timings and stuff. we were lazy to clap. and we did it till (i dunno what time) and the main band went for combined (it was raining) and me and ian took weirui for sectionals. indoor sectionals. since i'm not involved in anything, i didn't follow te rest up, but stayed with ian to take weirui to play the horn.

he took my single horn. the exact same one that i used for the '06 outdoor. now i feel it's VERY difficult to play. taught the buzzing technique first, then trying to vary pitch with frequency of buzzing. he kinda got the idea. and i think he was much better than me when i was in sec 1.

couldn't even pitch the 3rd note in the B flat scale a few months before the indoor concert.

derrrrr.
i sucked at sec 1 and sec 2 before comp
sec 3 i loved my way of playing the horn. was my best and funn-est year. i felt i could do anything.

ya. after then, went to the studio for some combined. and there was some crap media thing that wasted my time. was so hungry lah.

then went for lunch with section.
the damn 16 bus driver had some thing stuck in his eyes?! he didn't see the whole busstop flagging for the damn bus?
he just whizzed by, splashing water on us that the rain deposited on the cracks and crevices in the road, further irritating us.
so we went to lucky bread. ate 2 bowl noodles and one cup of milk tea.
and i wasn't even full. damn.

but we walked back to the school again, and i went to the second tier to chat with alan. in hokkien. turns out that i speak less hokkien than i hear. alan must've spoken more hokkien than he hears, get what i mean? ;)

fall in.
got weirui to take his instrument. the same single horn.
trained him till the end of band practice. filled in a piece of paper full of my steps.
and he asked minimal questions. and nothing else.
so i think he'd fare quite well.
but i don't want just well.
i want excellent. so i'd be expecting much from you, weirui.

then i went home for dinner and stuff.
bathed.
went online
congratulated kaini for taking F5
and chatted.
and slept.

woke up today at 9.
quite early, considering i had no tuition and i could wake up whatever time i wanted to.
watched by bro maple.
played N3 on the 360 myself. i'm getting to like that game again.

had yesterday's leftovers for lunch.

then i'm online now.
and helping elise with some online math thing.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

today was, simply put, one interesting day.
especially in the afternoon.
lessons were boring as usual.
just like any other day.
...
and during the final break, gabriel and chin kiat were talking about the Tj DSA's today. sure, i've heard of it from nicholas only yesterday. and i decided to postpone my piano lesson to try out the DSAs.
so, in the afternoon we practiced 1 to 2 songs in the studio. and i recently let chin kiat hear the "Second Suite in F" and there was a eupho solo, and he decided to play it.
although he reveived the score from his TKG friend. a few minutes before we left (i told him TKG did play it before, that's why he asked for it).
and yug han decided to play Godspeed at the slow part, i think bar 55, with Reverence till the end of the slow part.
and i haven't even decided what to play.
it was only when we entered the TJ school gate, when gabriel started talking about the first suite on Eb and i decided to play an excerpt from it.
then, came the practicing.
i asked nicholas for a horn, chin kiat for a eupho, gab for an alto sax and yug han for a double bass.
lol.
then i started practicing.
nicholas apparently was an important figure in the DSA part, so i asked yug han what post he got and he said President and Horn SL.
sick seh.
...
and i tried nicholas's mouthpiece. it was so good, much better than the one i had.
jit rui looked at chin kiat's results, and asked for his class.
"4E"
"wah! you make 4E lose face leh! i was from the E class. better buck up" or something like that.
finally, we entered the band room
so damn messy.
the previous horn sl asked me to play the B flat scale, 2 octaves.
i screwed the second><>

horn, sax and eupho.
yug han, and his 'indifferent' face, bcos i took two pictures of him. look below.
...need i say more?
and somemore 'indifferent' faces to the camera. I present kiat on the left, gab on the right (if you didn't know.
gab was looking at yug han, whiole kiat ignored the camera.

random, but hey, 117! those who play Halo get me, although gab didn't.

ok then,

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-05T06:07:00.000-07:00

wow.
k^4 went for MJC soccer tryouts.
said he got rejected.
i wonder why.
he's just so damn good.
or mayb MJ's criteria is much higher?
i really dunno
but to reject someone like him is equal to a sick person chasing away the family physician.
hope you all get the analogy.
(btw: MJC's soccer boy's the best in SG)

mayb i'm a bit too extreme, but, please! i can see kenneth is such a good player.

cheer up ken, if my DSA fails we'll go in together using our merits and appeal. MAYBE.

today was lesson
due to his tryouts, ken didn't turn up for school.
but i don't care.
i wish he and i had swapped positions.
SCHOOL TODAY WAS SO BORING!!
english, did summary. actually ok lor. till i found out i was kinda breathing harder after some time. the audi was stuffy.
and hot. worse than the chinese's one.

so we went to the lecture room.
and finished the summary.

now, for a bit of chem.
just like yesterday, it was boring. for once. actually, i'll let it be 'twice'
actually not boring, but very monotonous. esp w mrs tey.

then i went to look at my section during the break. (i forgot to collect my allowance from my mum, so i had no money come the second break; if i had money i wouldn't have cared less about even glancing at my section. I WAS SO HUNGRY then!)
2 ppl from auxi came to horns.
(forgot her name), and weirui.
.....

another short one was posted to horns, and KEVIN!
please! comeon! you gotta be kidding me, right? the tk band doesn't take in spoilt brats like michael, dammit! you change or you go. ergh.

then... a maths.
i felt like sleeping.

forgot what happened in the afternoon, bcos i think i was napping.
so tired.

okay, shall end my nonsense here.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-04T02:50:00.000-07:00

yesterday: band day.
dunno what happened in class that day, but who cares.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAGDISH & XIAO JIA
ya, since sec 1 i realised they share the same birthdays, i know it's 3rd of somemonth. today, i finally know their birthdays.

shannon phua sprained his ankle, and FAIZAN SPRAINED HIS NECK! someone said he tried to do a headspin. his nose must have bumped into something and stopped his spin. either that or he's just acting stupid. sorry, did i say acting stupid? cancel off the 'acting'. and he still wants to play basketball. the next thing he's gonna do is twist his nose.

band was... to put it simply, not as interesting as i thought it to be. Again.
mr. siao took us for the whole day, and i realised one song he asked us to play had the Rhapsody in Blue in it. he said it was fusion of Rachmaninoff and Gershwin. I say, it's weird.

during the final runthroughs i saw more people sit on the benches at the back of the hall. wow. Yi Jing, hope your back feels better. elise, hope your stomach gets better too. Shannon, ... recover quickly.

night: some new tuition.
the teacher was kinda funny. yesterday he had 2 new students, me included, the other some person called Bambang. someone was asking him whether bambang was male or female. he said, "Why don't we wait and see?"

it turned out to be a boy. then the teacher asked him whether he was local. some girl said, "of all questions?"
he said, "why not? i have to break the ice. you can't expect me to ask him how was his e math paper, do you?"
then he turned to bambang and asked, "so, how was your emath paper?"

...

ok.
now for today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEL! we were wanting to throw him over to tkg field again. in the end we just wished him happy birthday.

physics was slack. Chem was hard to digest, but easy to understand. Geog elect was noisy.

after that, went to parkway. had lunch with my jie.
then we walked to the marine parade library.
went there, realised that i only brought my chem revision exercise 14.
...
so i did those that i could do without notes (which means 0.75 of the paper). then i chatted and played hp games. i was seriously bored.
i looked at my jie's chem notes and stuff.
i think it's easy to understand.
although i don't understand the terminologies.
saw one of her handwriting, "LEARN BY HARD" and i was lmao. she asked her friends and they said it was 'heart', not 'hard'. you may as well know that there were 4 of her friends, 2 which i know. Gary's handwriting is so nice! and vincent was so random. lol.
then i went to tm, to realise my piano teacher was sick. she must've smsed the wrong number. i didn't receive the message.
went back home by car.

and here i am.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

now! that quiz nearly killed me! of boredom.

now, i'll start from yesterday.

hmm. went for tuition. 9-11.
after that, went to my da gu's house for lunch and some mumbo-jumbo 2 weeks before my shawn jie's wedding. played hp games (bored lahhh), listened to music (boreddd again) and ate. loved the curry. food was catered.
memory's pretty vague, so i'm just anyhow whacking what i remembered yesterday.
after lunch, slept on the car.
when reached home, slept a bit, then studied.
dinner was bought again, never cooked or prepared at home (chicken rice was quite good)
then went online.
and played N3. fun sia. never play for so long ardy.
then went online at 9.30 i think
and chatted and chatted.
at 10.05 comp kena bad connection w internet and self-ended my conversation w elise. lol. i hope she got the message. sorry. couldn't connect again, so went to sleep.

TODAY:
ok lah
woke up at 5.30, as usual, did a lie-in till i realised i was sleeping, and woke up at 5.45. did everything that i had to do, then went out.

SLEPT ON THE DAMN BUS LAH.
had to walk from haig road down all the way to school.
reached sch at 6.50 i think
chiong a math homework.
finished half of the hw at 7.30.

lucky ms. chen didn't go through the next part of the hw.

physics was interesting.
another formula-abundant lesson, with exercises.
kangwei suddenly scolded 'mama bo lan jiao' in class.
ms goh scolded him, and asked him to meet her after class.
i then realised sean was pelting bits of eraser oh his head, hence the scolding.

during english,... it was nothing, actually.
me and andy were talking about kangwei's cursing. lol.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GENG!
i'm tired. and bored.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-06-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

ah. told her i'd do it today, so i will. have tuition later, 7.30 to 9. sianzzzzzzz.

Elise tagged me regarding some questionarre or quiz or what ever. see her blog for more info.
i'm not going to do steps 2 and 3, reason being i don't have many friends with blogs.

1: who did you last watch a movie with?
family.

2: how do you feel now?
my eng sucks. nobody actually understands my eng. so i won't explain.

3: if you can fulfil one wish, what would it be?
go back to 261092 and 're-live' my life from there on, from the NUH. Oh, with previous memories of my failures. those doctors must really learn how to deliver me properly too! okay, that's only one wish: to have everything go right from that day onwards.

4: who are you thankful to?
everybody, even those who screwed up my life big time

5: Important wishes for now
hmm. pass my CH? improve my eng? that i can sustain the studying effort for the damn O's?

6: If you can turn something in the past back, what would it be?
other than 261092, it'd be 011207. because it's just so fun and interesting. and i have an addiction.

7: What are your main priorities for now?
everything that i live for, everything that matters to me, and studies. i can't emphasize this enough.

8: what makes you happy?
hmm, isn't it obvious? i'd say that the fact that i even exist in this world is a great achievement for me. to say what i want to say in this blog, that makes me happy. if people just turn a deaf ear to what offensive things i say.

9: what do you wanna change in you?
my deviated septum, my laziness, my shortsightedness, my history of a broken arm really near the elbow, my hatred for people who i don't like at first glance, my circle of friends (widening), my....

10: What song can you represent your feeling now?
hmm. if it's classical, it'd be beethoven's first piano sonata, opus 2 no. 1, 2nd movt.
if it's romantic, it'd be brahm's first rhapsody in G minor.
if it's 20th century, it'd be ravel's sonatine's first movement.
if it's 21st century, i'd say it'd be... dunno? how to save a life? by the fray?
i have very mixed feelings now, please forgive me. i need to learn 'how to GET a LIFE', come on.

11: what kind of person you hate most?
people who are indirect in their expressions. I can't express my hatred of the notion of someone saying something offensive indirectly, and running away before you get the hidden meaning, and want to shove a mace up their pelvis. if it's a female, i hope it get's stuck there. if it's a male, i hope it inverts, and becomes SOMEWHAT like a female's. Same, i hope it gets stuck there for good. first, to remind them of their folly. second, to remind me of this great achievement.

12: is there anything you want to confess now?
no, i don't. although i have loads to say, to confess, to rant, to...

13: what is your definition of a dream house?
a house that i store my memories.

14: who will you go to when you are feeling low one day?
when i can really achieve the split personality of ranting, complaining, talking to a reactive mirror that shows nothing but me, i'd tell you. but nope, not now.

15: what do you want to achieve?
finishing this quiz/post ASAP. but you and i know that's not going to happen.

16: what age do you want to get married?
(the year when S'pore allows gay marriages)-1992. just kidding

17: would you prefer to hang out with your bf/gf/friends?
i'm not gay, neither am i attached, so i'd say my friends.

18: who made you angry for the past few days?
hmm. did i tell you i don't need someone to anger me for me to be angry?

19: what do you do when you are bored?
zi lian.

20: what is your interest?
twist people's words.
eg: my cousin's husband went to sign up on something that had an age limit. the receptionist asked, "are you 21?"
"no, i'm lewis."
another example: "what time is it now?"
"time to get a watch."

and to end it off, my own.
"I never tell the truth. True/False?"

this quiz took about 30 minutes of my life.

another one, also tagged by elise.

stating ten random facts about yourself.

1: I'm Benjamin.
2: i'm not a Tan.
3: i like eating.
4: my computer sucks. so does my memory.
5: my age gap btw jie and me is bigger than me and leinad. 1 yr 9 months, 1 yr 5 months respectively.and my jie's JC1, i'm sec 4, and my bro's sec 2.
6: i'm a right-hander, but due to some unforseen circumstances, i do just as many things with my left hand. eg: eating, playing badminton (2 hands also can), etcetc. forgot. my memory's really bad.
7: i'm buddhist.
8: i've been on the comp for about 40 mins, but i still haven't logged on in msn. stupid me.
9: i sleep on a mattress, on the floor.
10: did i tell you my memory sucks? oh well then, i'm leaving this as it is.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-31T05:51:00.000-07:00

today: band day. about 9 hours, the norm for weekend practices.
started by going to the field.
did formations to formations.
then mr. azlan asked me if i was going. i said i was not. nadia wasn't too. so michelle became H4, so there would be a balance. he also asked me if my steps were easy.

Please. my steps and ian's staps are like the boring-est of the whole band lah. i can count 3 formations that i don't even spin lah.
and there's only one 270 degree spin. lol.
my sec 2 one was much more fun. from DV to K1, i can vividly remember the steps:
(from stationary)S315 F2 MT2 S225 F4 S270 F4 S270 MT

and i feel that it's much more interesting.
my drills were not so good then, but hey, it's still one thing worth remembering.

as i'm blogging now, i can have someone overseas log on the comp and chat with me. lol. miss chatting. come back soon, with souvenirs!

so we went for lunch at 12 noon, at the haig road banquet. nothing much to talk about there, just that wen hui laughed a lot. it's as if kaini infected her.

...
then came the afternoon session.
drills, gimmicks, and more drills.
and mine was like such a... disaster.
speechless.
at a loss of words.
whatever.
so i finished mine, and then we had a lot more.
and we did sway!! and smoke! as per last comp.

so fun
so we added that to the comp show, and called it a day.
and mr. lawrence siao would be helping us.

damn. i got scratched twice! by instruments lah.
there's one on my thumb, another on my shin/below my knee

the thumb was caused by the french horn. i didn't even know how it got there.
knee? was caused by a very sharp edge of yug han's bells. very sharp as in it just did more of a brush on my leg and it can start bleeding.
both formed scabs liao.

and.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHIYI!
couldn't towpok/flagpole/bash you lah. didn't even get the chance to wish him.
...

and after band, i went to inspect the dmns.
quite good, considering this is their first few times doing macework.

i did a few like the side twirling, and just normal twirling to show them. T. Chow was teaching them. 4 of them.
bowen and some other guy didn't turn up. either glenn or zheng. i didn't notice.
and it's so fun/nice to twirl the mace again!

yeah.

if you all didn't know why i'm posting with more detail, it's because a person needs update from band.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-29T04:50:00.000-07:00

today was another round of sleepiness, although not as bad as yesterday.

and i woke up on time, at 5.40! took the 6.10 2and the 6.30 33 to school. result: reached school slightly before 7.

went for breakfast with sean. and the teh ping wasn't as nice as people claim it to be. it makes my nose feel weird. Don't ask why my nose feels weird, i dunno too. and i don't care. i'm not going to buy a 70c teh that makes my nose feel weird next time, when i can buy a teh o that doesn't make any part of my body feel weird, and costs 20c cheaper than the former. Learn from mistakes. and things that makes your nose feel weird.

anyway,
geog elective was in the auditorium. learned an interesting topic. map-reading. not as if i plan to get lost anytime later in my life, less in a forest full of river features. yep. but i understood the thing pretty quick, and the lesson passed relatively quick.

Social studies, bedtime stories, with notes to be taken. i was quite energetic at the start of lesson, but once i reached the 2nd page, flip side of the notes, my hand started to quiver. my head felt heavy. i felt, how do i put it again, sleepy. now i know how mdm. rozy handles her 2 kids every bedtime, and how she can never run out of stories to tell. because when she hits her second statement, her kids would be knocked out by the potential sleepwaves of social studies.
not this time, however. for me, that is.
the rise and fall of venice was something worth hearing, and something not worth sleeping over. chin kiat was like 'wtf is their problems? are they jealous or what?'
to those who are in the lower secondary, you'll know, come 1-2 years time. it's worth your time, and i guess thinking about it is also worth staying alive and conscious over.

Physics.
last lesson of the day.
we did the theoretical part of practical household electricity.
was formula-overabundant. just by substituting equations into another equation.
nothing else.
and i was forbidden to go for band today.

'one weekday, and saturdays'

...
...
...
...
...

so i had a long phone call in the bag room, with my mother talking.

then i left.

and went back home.
and bathed.
and slacked.
and ate dinner.
and blogged

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

this post is indirectly required from someone, since the last post seems "forced out of me".

and i don't feel like editing yesterday's post, because this is an elaboration, so here it is.

yesterday had band. and lessons. zzzzzzzzzzzz

and it was boring.
so i shall not elaborate much. i kinda forgot.
so, right after physics lesson, i went up to the 2nd floor boys' toilet to tuck in my shirt.
when i left, i heard the band whispering their timings.
and i was like 'wtf is this?!' not in front of them, though.
and it just got better and better.
their checking of dressings took so long. and in fallin, somemore.

so i shouted. and they seemed a bit shocked, wondering who broke the silence, till i walked to the bag room. hmm, kayrui, please wake up. there's no space in band for people whose minds are as vague as mine when i take the sec 1's. but i did take the sec 1's, and it wasn't as bad as i thought. will elaborate later.

so, i had no big clue why i went to the 3rd floor for. to see the band? to see how much they improved/deproved? i really had no idea. i went to the bag room, to see that it was locked. ee zeng and xingjie were like at the staircase. lol.

and i went down. pretty stupid, huh?

talked about the trip, and I SHALL NOT ELABORATE. First, i kinda forgot also. Second, even if i remember, i have no intention whatsoever to rant about it here, lest some alumnus sees my blog.

lunch.
i was the last one to order from the chicken rice stall. or shall i say, i was the one to kop the last portions of the meat, veggie and rice that the uncle and auntie had left.

enjoyed it, really. i did.

and went for band.
my tone sucks.
i can't even pitch the high concert Bb without my sound cracking. damn.

that was sectionals.

then there was combined in the hall. did the repetoire a few times over, then... i don't remember. lol.

took the sec 1's for a full hour.
chatted at breaks, took them for drills. there was a time when i went into complete silence while teaching the sec 1's how to spin. using the shoulders.

ouch.
...
and it was raining, so i kinda lost my voice. i hope it gets well anytime soon.

so, i went back to the hall at 5.30 to see all of them doing the cp 1 gimmick.

then there was a half-runthrough.

and so concluded the 1-6 band practice.
and i sent only one song to elise. damn funny, if you ask me. she thought i was busy, lol.

Today. Another 'fun' day.

of lessons. let me start by telling when i woke up.
according to my clock, 5.20.

according to my jie's clock, 7.30.
Now for my train of thoughts before i woke up.

~dreaming~ ~dreamin... [cut off]
"why am i still sleeping so soundly?"
"why haven't my clock rung yet?"
opened eyes.
"what time is it?"
looks at clock.
"why is it so bright, at 5.20?"
looks at jie's clock.

no prizes for guessing what happened next.
of course i rushed to school, damn! the bus took so bloody long to arrive. thank god i only missed ss. not that ss is boring, i missed the start of the last chapter, (damn!) but i was lucky to have missed only one lesson.

so i had my break.

and so continued other lessons.

chinese wasn't that dreadful.
ms. low made the lesson very light-hearted. till it rained. then she had to battle with the rain (in terms of sound, voice, whatever).

after lessons, i went straight to tm. one thing i had to say: i was wet.

even with my trusty umbrella.

but no matter.
had a student's fish fillet meal at macs, and there were no seats for me! so i had to stand and eat. made me look like a fool, fumbling with my wet umbrella, 2 plastic bags (i took away the meal) and my bag. had the fries first. then the burger. finished it in 2 bites, in a minute. then the drink.

like all others, i hate drinking. really large drinks. and they gave me like a medium sized cup (or large, i don't know and care, because the thing is huge) and i couldn't finish it. finished half, then threw the damn thing away. then went to the music studio.

dai over there for about half an hour, and msged at the same time. and i had lesson for an hour, and then dinner at home, and then bathing, and then doing this.

wow.

2 days in one.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

oh, well.
reached school at 7, i think
at 7.25 joel and sean went to eat with me. and drink.

lessons.

band. i shall not say what happened before lunch. i was so frustrated.
okay, band.
band for 5 hours.
sectionals at first.
combined in hall at 2.45
took sec 1's at 4.30-5.30
combined in hall till the end.

i don't feel like blogging now. i am just so forgetful. mayb when i remember, or when someone stimulates my brain cells i'd remember and blogpost again.
(this is such a small post, but no matter.)

for now, bye.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

this post is requested by somebody.

what a nice day today.

arrived at school at 6.30 am.
actually was planning to go to school on my own, so i woke up at 5.30 but it rained at 6, so my dad just woke up and fetched me to school. wow. a 45-minute difference. and i arrived at school, to see no one there.
only jolene was there, we said hi, then i went to some table at the cantten and started stoning and listening to music.
as time passed, i saw people arriving at school.
then, finally, kenneth.
he didn't even see me. just went to the classroon. opened the door.
HOW STUPID COULD I GET?!?!?!?!?
i didn't even know that my classroom door was unlocked.
so i entered.
and continued to listen to music on my phone (i still am impresed with the sound quality of my new phone, compared to the Motorola L6. actually the latter had it's conveniences, bcos i still dunno how to navigate well using this phone)
people arrived.
clement arrived. seems that he brought a bottle of chicken essence and a bottle of bird's nest. and he got another 'bracelet', i dunno what's it. it's the band i wear on my right wrist to dai ping an. apparently, clement went to the temple yesterday to pray and got another bracelet from the reverend. so i helped him tie a dead knot on the strings, and there you go! he now has two bracelets, one on each wrist. seems there's no such thing as overzealousness in Buddhism.

then i started messaging.

then i went to take away some iced tea from the canteen, and drank it in the classroom.

then we went to the upper level to wait for clearance to enter the corridor of the 2nd floor classroom blocks.

my exam was held in the 3e classroom, and chin kiat didn't arrive till a few minutes before 8. darrel had to call him on the phone. call failed.
i used his phone and it went through, but other than chin kiat's voice, i heard static and white noise. i wonder why. lol.

so we went in the classroom, and did our exam. i have to say, the male invigilator for my classroom looked a lot like gabriel from the side profile. just that he's a bit taller. the man, that is.

paper 1 was my record.
4 pages for the letterwriting, 3 pages for the next section.

paper 2 was, simply put, not as easy as i had expected.
i left blanks at the 'vocab' question at the second chinese comprehension.
gg.
i have a feeling the most i can get is a poor B3.

after that, i met up with my mum at the carpark, and we met ms. chen for the parent-teacher meeting. it was quite light-hearted, since i didn't even de zui ms. chen, just i didn't hand in a little bit of homework to her during the second term.
results: combined, that is

english: 55.8 C5
chinese: 60.5 B4
add. maths: 68.5 B3
maths: 69.8 B3 (okay, this is stupid. if only i had gotten just a mark higher. DAMN!!!)
chemistry: 70 A2 (i really dunno what happened to my chemistry. i really dunno)
physics: 66.8 B3
Combined humanities: I'll let you guess. if you give up, there's 2 ways there you can go about calculating it. 33.0 F9

Percentage: 60.6 (deproved lots. really must work harder.)
class position: 17/41
level ranking: 159/344

L1R4: 16
L1R5: 25. [sarcastic voice]I wonder why???[/sacarstic voice]

WOOTS! my highest these 4 years. at last.
LOLOLOLOLOL

so ends my post.
i was chatting on msn just now and playing n3 on the 360 at the same time.
proves that i cannot multitask (klarann got killed in the process of me attempting to pause the game)
and to end it off, this post is requested from somebody.
I'll let you guys guess.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-25T03:25:00.000-07:00

today: disposal of a television older than my brother.
it's about 15 years by now. spoilt only once: just before we threw it away.
my dad, leinad and i went to bring it from the sidewalk of our garden to the car's boot.
car was just parked next to the house, yet it took us 5 minutes to get it there.

so we just drove to some random place in tampines ave 7, i think. at 3.30 pm.
saw a rubbish dump there, filled with running water, drop by drop. and it stank, according to my bro (if you all didn't know, i cannot breathe through my nose due to a deviated septum. My right nostril is forever clear except when i'm ill, but it just cannot take in the volume of air needed for my respiration) and we just shifted the television there. well, who asked me to live in such a secluded place? ~sighs~

happy memories still remained there.
it stayed with us, from bukit batok, to tampines, and finally to changi, where its life peacefully ended. and FYI, i stayed in tampines for 7 years, and changi since the beginning of sec 1 (actually, dec. 30th) so it must've had more memories in tampines than anywhere else. and it rested there.
my current HSH record was recorded on a videocamera (up till now i still don't have a capture card) on that very television. all other vidcam records made by the Tan Bros were played on that television.

and i got a scratch there, when shifting it a step up. grazed my ankle. doesn't hurt now. lol.

after that, went to shell petrol station to pump petrol, and but ice-cream!! again! third day in a row!! someone says she's jealous. i also had pizza for dinner. the good life, when my parents are not home.

yes, they went to eat dinner again.

tomorrow, 3 things are going to happen. two in school, one at home. those who read my blog frequently should know. i'm going to keep it secret.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-24T05:06:00.001-07:00

the previous post was talking about more of yesterday than today. so.

today woke up at 6.45, thanks to leinad's alarm.
couldn't go back to sleep, so go on the comp for 5 minutes, bloghop, then ate breakfast.

after breakfast, i added new songs to my phone. 8 gigs of my life, man!!
today was pretty uneventful. found out from elise that the banders played captain's ball. wow. to 'relieve stress'. what about those who takes MT??
went to my grandma's house. and ate. and socialised. and played xbox (i had no big interest for Halo 2 today, dunno why) and smsed. and the ice-cream was soft. as in melted. my younger cousin could pull out the ice-cream stick and have the ice-cream still in the wrapper. then i smsed and listened to songs on the way home.

and Shawn Jie's wedding is so near!! 14 june. another saturday. another miss from band. DAMN!!! i'm starting to miss it. can't wait for 'o's to be over, so i can collect my report book.
and for tuesday to come. so i can go bandddddddddddd

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

I created my new record yesterday.
from 9.40am to 9.40 pm i chatted w someone via msn, sms, and only stopped during baths and meals. 12 hours straight. stopped chatting when my movie started at around 9.45pm, and it's my first time i chatted with someone for that long. my previous longest was like 3 hours. On msn only. we were still smsing in the theatre. LOL
yep, if you've seen her blog you'll know.

elise.

lol lah.
we were like chatting for the whole day. and there were almost no pauses or moments of silence in between, except for her and my meals, and my bath.

my dinner took half an hour to arrive. in swensens. and the portion of pasta was so friggin small. and my family had an Earthquake. by then we all jiak jin ba liao, so we finished the earthquake after like 15 minutes, and my family is consisting of 6 members, including me.

i've got a new phone. Nokia N81 8GB. and i'm filling it full of songs and pictures. actually not as much pictures as songs. i've already got 101 songs in 10 minutes.
don't worry, my number hasn't changed, it still has the cross-pattern in the first 7 numbers in the phone number, those who know, you should know why it's so easy to remember my no.

lol

so that pretty much sums up what i had yesterday.

it may not be interesing, but you could say it was one of my most enjoyed days.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

today was bazzar day, too bad i joined the crowd for 1.5 hours...

timetable 22/05/08:
0740-0815: play soccer with classmates! took the whole basketball court.
0815-0920: chinese. Boring.
0920-1050: Bazzar. will elaborate.
1050-1145: Chinese.
1145-1315: Play voleyball, soccer, basketball, whatever. in my 4 years in TK, i really had fun.
1315-1410: On the bus to tampines mall's macs. Will elaborate.
1410-1445: ate at macs. Will elaborate.
1445-1448: walked to leinad's sch, PRSS
1448-1500: waited in playground opposite PRSS
1500-1507: Travel back home, by mum's car =)

so that pretty sums up my day out of home.

Bazzar.
Not as interesting as previous years, but was still... nice.
first stop: YingZheng walking about the canteen with a poster and a box on him. Bought a $1.50 fried rice to please him. I mean, can you blame him? it's all for charity, i think. but recalling Ms. Wong's statement last bazzar, "after the nkf incident, how can we trust any other charitable organisations? Might as well keep the money for our own needs. Give them the leftovers!" to my class after the bazzar, when we were packing up.
second stop: 2F stall, when i didn't even see it! Wen Hui and Khaiqi was trying to advertise the products their stall offered, but i was still eating the rice. i finally bought a tart from them (actually paid them the money, took the tart from the plate and straight dunked it into my mouth full of rice) for fifty cents.
third stop: Hanafia's class. bowling. with waterbottles. in the hall. i have to admit the game itself was pretty interesting. i was given 2 bottles. and was supposed to knock down all 10 bottles in 2 shots. i got 6 down with one, 6 down with 2, with no replacements. kinda stupid right? the ones on the right were the ones that stayed. still, i got a lollipop and a M&Ms. quite worth it, but i thought the class incurred huge losses. i paid only a dollar for the bowling thing.
i didn't try out the xbox 360 game, however. if they got some FPS like GOW, H1, H2 or H3 i wouldn't mind spending my allowance on the game. the thing is i don't like car racing games, so i don't like Carbon or whatever the hell it's called. and it's the only game available. Ms. Chen tried out the game and crashed. got 8th. i thought that was good, till i found out from zeng woon that there are only 8 cars in the game. She got owned....
fourth stop: bazzar gig, at audi.
people pay 2 dollars to enter the audi by the 2nd level door. me and chin kiat entered the 3rd level doors, FOC. and we stayed there for only 5 minutes to see some sucky malay band perform. I just don't have the ear for almost all rock music, or other 21st century music, for that matter.

Bus to tampines mall: my mum was about to go to leinad's sch for some parent-teacher meeting. so i followed them there. in a bus. stopped at tampines mall macdonalds. found elise and kaini there eating, so joined them there for about half an hour, eating a Large Fries. and they haven't even finished eating their fillet. lol. i don't think my eating is weird, neither do i eat like L.

so i walked to PRSS, which is so near tampines mall (now i know why leinad always goes to interchange b4 sch) and waited. and waited. why? leinad couldn't leave the classroom. and there was a security guard at the main gate of the school.
so i waited at the playground. the upper part was infested with ants and flies, so i went below the playground. I was bored, to tell the truth. the only thing i did there was to sms, listen to some Halo 2 OST and amuse myself by playing with some gears. to think i was amused to see all gears moving with a slight counterclockwise force applied to the only gear that i could touch.

so ends my very interesting day out of home.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

Today was an interesting day.

English in the afternoon (Section II, Paper 1 level test) was shifted to curriculum time. Because of CHINESE. zzzzzzz
test was easy. I hope i amplified enough.

Recess was plain and boring, as all wednesdays recess do now, and i tried to play piano in the hall. tone sucked =( but was way better than the one in the canteen. Must have been made in China. The one in the cantten, i mean.

Council Investiture.
Songs.
Boring.
I may as well have been in the auditorium, listening to the DSA talk.

Chinese 'Supplementary'.
marcus was busy talking to his friends. mdm. fong threw his bag down the stairs in the audi to make him go down. He expressed his contempt for fong through his liberal use of hokkien (i understood) then i think he went out, then shouted "mdm fong hen huai!"

everybody in the audi was laughing. i think she paiseh. she went back to her laptop and stared into the screen.
WAH! the kranji paper was so damn difficult lah. There was also 'own words' question. How the hell was i supposed to answer those questions? in chinese? i might as well take hindi with Yash. No big difference. Still a zero. the paper had more or less inference questions, and the second compre used stylistic writing. to the extent that i found LOADS of sentence fragments. Just like this. And this. And this.
so the paper was screwed. anw it's only a test so i don't care. as long as the 'o' level paper is easier than that, i'd be safe.

Piano Lesson.
late as usual. Played ravel sonatine. First movement was nice. second was okay. third movement was very like my previous DipAB exam's modern piece, bartok's something dances. (Someting as in i forgot the name, i think it's hungarian) I didn't like it at all. maybe practice will prove me wrong. i hope.

EH! my e math combined marks is 69.8. and it's B3. what the heck?!
and i got 17th in class. a fine effort, but i'll have to take it from there and move nowhere but up.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-20T01:27:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!

my mum's birthday is 6 days after.
my mei's birthday was 6 days earlier.
my MT mid yesr 'O's will arrive in 6 days, the twenty-6 of May.
i will turn 6-teen in october twenty-6.

So many '6's...

so another happy birthday to daniel.

i was smsing daniel during class. Ms chen's class, to be exact. I don't care about the teacher. She may be good, but there's a thing i don't like about her. i shall not say it here, and shall not delve too deep into the matter. She's, non-existent in my blog.

anyway, i did ask her for permission to go to the 'toilet' and smsed him at the stairs, like 4 metres from my classroom.

Recess, i had 2 new messages. Not from daniel, but my mum and dad (overseas in Bangkok, as usual) to wish him happy birthday if i had not done so already. Seems that they were late 30 minutes, huh? proves my memory's not as bad as it should be.

I HATE REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS!
not because the date's difficult to remember, but i always forget on the day itself. that's why i smsed daniel during the lesson 30 minutes before recess.

Those who are now being released from chinese, tell me what happened. It's 4.30 sharp now as i'm typing this. With all due respect (to those who like her as a chinese teacher) I think that mdm. Fong sucks. Sure, her teaching may be okay (i think i got a B3 in sec 2), but her attitude is those that will add fire to my ever-increasing ire. (my ire is aimed directly at her, ready to explode anytime, like someone pressing the barrel of a rocket launcher at someone else's temple A bit exaggerated, i hope you get the analogy). Ask my mum if you want proof. And, Ms low didn't come to school (MC), that's why i'm blogging at this precise moment. If i missed lessons in the afternoon, i apologise.

(click and drag down the blackened portion to see hidden message.
Alternative: double-click the blackened portions.
Alternative 2, my favourite so far: triple-click anywhere in the post.)

Today is also Adri's birthday. we wanted to throw him over to TKG and from there he make a mad dash back to TK, but the fence was topped with barbed wire and we decided it too dangerous an act to be carried out, so we dumped him into some power generator's enclosure. I dunno the exact words, just the green gate to the left of my class's staircase,hidden behind another 'house' when you're facing my class. that's where we threw him in.

wow. 1 person online as of now. Daniel.

Those who know me well enough, I love bathing in hot water, but i hate drinking warm or hot stuff. I love drinking icy-cold drinks, but i hate bathing in a shower of water that threatens to freeze any time i turn on the shower. Well, the weather was unbearable. I had to bathe in cold water. Walking to school was okay, from the end of Haig Road (only taking bus 2) in the morn, but i say again, the weather was unbearable. The 3rd and last floor of my house (where i'm currently typing this message now) is scorching. even with the curtains drawn, and the blinds pulled down. My computer's about to overheat because of the damn global warming. Due to globalisation. Okay, i'm not one to talk about globalisation, having received 34/100 for CH, but i shall say this.

"Please, can someone invent something that takes a portion of the heat in Singapore to the outer space? It's like my body temperature here!"

so, rant over.

I WANT BAND, I DON'T MIND IT INTERFERING WITH MY CHINESE REVISION. how the hell do you STUDY chinese anyway? I've an Uncle (american) who got a doctorate in English. WOW. what'd he do, study each letter of the alphabet? He teaches Teachers. He lectures Lecturers. That'd be nice. having some contribution in the education of a country.

OKAY, gotta go. gotta do housework, gotta do homework, gotta do some light reading to while away my time, gotta attempt to study chinese, gotta find more stuff to bitch about in the next post.

Gotta Go.

Bye.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-19T03:28:00.001-07:00

Hmm. How to start?

okay. Vesak Day.
My sister's (mei) chinese birthday.
we went out in the morning to pray at some temple in Kembangan. super hot sia. like 30 seconds of walk can get someone sweating really hard.
then went to eat at the bedok interchange market. ate mutton soup, with my jie. and the sugar cane juice was nothing but syrup. not from the plant. bland, diluted and nothing near the sweet cold drink that i remembered drinking last time. oh well.

afternoon.
the book that i like, the Diablo:Legacy of Blood. loads and loads of words that someone like me would not understand, not before checking the dictionary.

examples are ire, coutenance, vehemence, scant and a lot others. I particularly like the sentence "he spat out the food, at the same time a monstrous expression crossing his rotten countenance."

and now: blogging.
i plan to play at night, ~sighs

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-18T05:38:00.000-07:00

now i'm free.
my parents and grandmother went out for some wedding dinner.
good for them, i'd say. they're happy, so am I!
partying now. all by myself. maybe you could say partying with my brother, but no matter. i'm on my own, with only 3 people in my house. Jie's on the comp, all on her own, doing what, i don't care. Daniel's forging a map in Foundry, and my younger sis's amusing herself.

we're all doing fine and happy, so don't worry, mum and dad.

so. morning was tuition as usual. she looked at the paper. "you can do the sums, Ben, it's all because of your carelessness."
ouch.
i told her my calculator went dead. "did i tell you some people bring 2 calculators to the exam, just in case?"
ouch.
i told her i bought my calculator in March and i could've bet she went 'ouch'.

oh, dear...

afternoon was nothing. housework, light reading, whatever. so i can get on the comp and 360 now.

Okay then, byeeeeee

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-16T04:39:00.000-07:00

NAPFA: I remembered all my scores for the test, including my 5 stations (which I did today).

Sit-up: 45 (A)
Standing Broad Jump: 240 (A)
Sit-and-Reach: 49 (A)
Shuttle Run: 8.84 (Sub-9!) (A)
Pull-ups: 8 (A)

2.4KM run: 11.23 (B)

so, results give me a 29/30. Gold. Nice.

and those who are wondering why i didn't re-take my 2.4 so as to get a perfect score, i was really tired that day.
and irritated.
i was like 'screw the 2.4. i can still get A for the rest anyway'.

Thus!

Damn.
Here you go. Although i'm not good in studies, my fitness is still up-to-standard.

and i'm wondering why andy still calls me 'commando' bcos i got 29/30. and the 'first to die in war', if you know what he and i mean
ah. please. there are at least a hundred people in S'pore who get the perfect score, and hundreds more who get my score. it's not that difficult.

~BenjaminTAN

Nice! it's 7.47pm now! my Cortana timing, currently, although not submitted.

2008-05-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

Happy belated 5th birthday to Amanda!
14: amanda's birthday
20: Daniel's birthday
26: Mum's birthday

All in may!

6 days apart!
kinda funny huh?

yesterday my dad brought 3 of them out for dinner, while i was alone at home. Jie returned home like 2 hours later. Not exactly alone, however. My grandma was at home. i ate dinner w her. shui jiao (water dunplings, i think) FTW! So does vinegar and ginger!

marathoned halo 3 for 2 hours or so.
finished Crow's nest on legendary, SP in 38 minutes.
finished Storm on legendary, SP in 57 minutes.

then i ... dunno. kinda vague. I am tired now..... zzzzzzzz

today.
I improved in CH! 10 marks! from 24 to 34.
still a 9, however.

gotta chiong for MY 'O's MT! although i don't use it for my L1R5.
I don't care.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-12T03:52:00.000-07:00

good news!

my mum talked to me yesterday.
I can go for practices till my parents get everything sorted out. i hope that happens just before stepdown!

ROADRUN FTW!!!!
Fun all the way, i tell you.
now my group that made the teachers wait so long has to be punished.
next week.
actually, not punish, just duty, for want of a better word. It's kinda the same. lol

i dare not talk about my results here, lest some people start flaming, but what the hell. I got emath p2, amath p2, and chem. I think they all sucked.

bye for now, there's no reason why I shouldn't blog tonight...

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-11T04:17:00.000-07:00

i figured: To heat up a thing, it must first be of a lower temperature.
i also figured: taking out a glass cup from a freezer and pouring boiling water into it makes the glass break. Work out the physics yourselves, those above P6.

How should i begin this?
Sorry, all TK Band members, and whoever this might concern.

Though every apology has its each and very own reason, I shall put across the point indirectly, for the sake of the TK Band, and by doing this you will have a lesser chance of feeling how i feel before, during and after this post, but i hope you all understand, till there is such a time where things turn out for the better.

I shall start right after the meeting with mdm. nora and mr. lee with the Sec 4's, on friday.

I told my mother about it. although she didn't give an answer, she was grumbling about it. During dinner time that day, my mother told my father about it. He flamed, and gave me an answer that froze me up. Not anything to do with the TK Band, however. I felt his furiosity at the time, but somehow the anger, the fire in him seemed to turn me into the cold, hard stone that i had only experienced before, during and after the Chinese New Year in 2007. And I have to say, the CNY thing still gets me at times. For those who want to know about it, i shall say that it feels like you have lost everything that mattered in your life. i shall say that it drains you of all good feelings, everything, even your human-time reaction.

I shall say that it makes you lose the will to live.

It was, how should i put it, freezing. Stony, frigid, and frozen, for want of better words. Why? If his plan succeeded, how was I supposed to live? How was i supposed to answer to over 150 people?

How was I supposed to actually, LIVE?

Till now, only two know the story. First of all, me. the second, i have to say, those who chatted with me on msn, talked in real life in this supposedly-real world, still do not know anything about the other half of his plan which does not involve the TK Band. Not even those like my section, the majors, my friends like alan, saeful, adli, elise, kn, whatever. They do not know the other half.

Bong knows. Only the first part of his plan which does not involve the TK Band.

So that froze me up.

Second half of the story: starts after the TJC Band concert. I had a really good time at the VCH, laughing my heart out when it was the J1's drama item. Somehow the memory of the previous day got into my head, explaining the split-personality during the concert. Sorry, horns.

When my father fetched me from the VCH, he brought up the topic. And another thing. the only person who chatted with me this afternoon knows this, so keep silent. I guess she knows, because first: she tagged even before I posted this. Second, everyone else on MSN was busy or offline. So I poured out my dad's second plan to her. so you should know who. She should know who.

He wants me to skip band practices.

Like an exponential curve, the heat only came to me today, as soon as i woke up. And from there it started building.

I know exactly my father's intentions. I know all he does is for my own good. I know he loves me as much as I love band, many times over. But it just cannot relieve the pain in my heart. I said earlier that "taking out a glass cup from a freezer and pouring boiling water into it makes the glass break", where I am that glass cup, as 'solid' as i may be.

I know that my results are not that fantastic. I know I'm not half as perfect as my dad is. And for one thing i know I should not have even joined the TK Band, to save from me from all that pain. I just wish that I have now the chance to re-live my past 15 years and 7 months, so I can work out a better route for my future. As quoted from a comic i read a year ago, "My mother used to tell me that we reap what we sow."

"I should have paid more attention to her."

There's no way I can re-live my whole life, that is for sure. So I live on. I accept the fact that my father wants me to study. I want to make my father proud; to do well in my studies, and excel where he couldn't. And the thing on my mind, right smack in the centre: I want to SHAME mdm. Fong, for all that she's said to my mother many times over, with variation, "the boy is hopeless".

that being said, I still owe the band a huge apology. Anything that happens to the band, I really am sorry.

I am sorry.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-09T04:32:00.000-07:00

Changed blogskin!

may be black, but it's with a touch of creativity!
enjoy.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-09T02:40:00.001-07:00

FINALLY! exams are over.

at around 12.45 the sec 4's met mdm nora and mr. lee in the studio. good news! 2008 is not over, neither will the sec 4's stand down anytime soon. not going to spoil the secret, band members will find out tomorrow.

Mock test was a killer. I had people asking me how was the paper 1.
"I didn't have my dictionary. Does that answer your question?"
Then again, i realised how much i needed the dictionary when i didn't have it. Don't know what's wrong with me nowadays, but i will try to solve it sooon.

As i'm blogging, there are only 7 people online, out of the 77 people i have added on my MSN. I guess the reason is because... they're partying?

And my hair. Haven't cut it for ages, maybe before the MT MY O' Levels. I want to see how long it can grow before my mother starts screaming at my hair, although i'm the one at fault :)

Bye.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-08T01:16:00.000-07:00

WHY? is there a mock test on marking day? it's supposed to be another of my free days, yet they put a mock test on that day, when nobody else is at school!
(Don't ask me who 'they' are. How would I know?)

and i already knew it when the schedule was given out.

next rant: ROADRUN!

WHY must the teachers in charge go looking from class to class for people who can run? why must they pull off a ***. **** and get people to sign up? me, for instance. and monday is also supposed to be another senang day for me again! my days are filled up with things that i do not want to do! and i'm not going to talk about ***.**** again. don't remind me. initials are M.F. that's all for clues.

Third Rant: CALCULATOR!

my calculator was officially 'dead' during the start of today's E math Paper 1. Couldn't switch it on at all. had to do everything manually. it's a relief they gave out blank pieces of paper to do rough working. if not, i guess i'll have to... Don't know. amuse me.

anyway, with Singaporeans like me who are over-reliant on technology, just like me and that damn fx-82AU will find themselves in dipshit when it comes to something as trivial as 'mental sums' that the primary schools never fail to give everyweek or so, and i never fail to fail, if not just a lousy 5/10. but my point is, i did everything manually on that white sheet of paper. Long division, squaring of 178 for some problem sum involving the use of the Pythagoras' Theorem (and i still couldn't finish it, because now everybody knows the Pythagoras' Theorem involves squaring and SQUARE-ROOTING. How the hell am i supposed to square-root numbers 5-digits long? Trial-and Error? I don't think so), factorising of quadratic equations, whatever. But things like trigonometric ratios like sine, cosine and tangent, i have No Bloody Clue how to do that mentally. WOW.

and the worse thing is, IT came back from the dead to make fun of me during the last 10 minutes of the damn exam. I just hope nobody heard me cursing the calculator, I WAS JUST SO FRUSTRATED! and I finished my paper 15 minutes before my calculator decided to like, "Hi Ben! How's your exam? No worries while I was not around? Oh? Pyth. Theorem? Trigo Ratios? Oh, how sad. How may I be of service to you? Oh? switch myself on? so you can square-root? You couldn't do it yourself? Proves to everybody how much you need me. JACKASS." so it was 15 minutes WASTED! what did I do? actually, i don't know. sit there, look dumb? ask the invigilators whether they have extra calculators to spare, to pull me out from that shit-pit that the fx-82AU oh-so-silently just got me in? Of course not. i checked my work with that piece of paper, again and again. WOW.

So that's 5 marks wasted out of 80 due to questions that i didn't know how to do. And I didn't need the calculator to do them. So, problem lies with me, then.

Boy, oh boy, I really do hope i get a decent grade for the exam.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-06T06:01:00.001-07:00

I found a hilarious picture in Bungie.net, and it comes with a statement, which definitely matches the picture below. Well, quoted from Bungie, "All accidents. All mental." WARNING: those who don't play Halo 3 may find difficulty understanding this picture, but here we goooo:

"I've got your rockets right here."

Now that's just..... wrong?

Never mind.

Anyway, those from TK Band, look at this statement:

"Nice posts from a Tk Band Member. Deyi Band: We define TK Band's Misery. Owned!!!" Tagged by some anonymous character, representing Deyi Band, I guess, for now.

Please leave a tag after you see this statement. Just refrain from vulgar language. Don't dirty this site. My point of view is written on the tagboard. I didn't delete it because I wanted to show you all what the title means to the TK Band and what it means to the Deyi Band. And their responses to this. I really don't think we will forget the 12th of April, '08, will we? We don't need reminders, I hope.

Right. Today was really boring. Other than revision and practice of A maths, I was either reading a book long read before (Diablo: Legacy of Blood) or watching my Daniel play Maple for like the whole afternoon. I didn't even leave the damn house! So much for a 'day off'! ~sighs

Practiced Aufshwung and the Ravel Sonatine movt. 1. I'm still not sure which one to go with, but my Aufshwung is going really good, for at least the first half of the song, and the last phrase.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-04T23:22:00.000-07:00

Physics.
Fairly easy, and i'm aiming for an 80 to bring up my CA1 score to an A1. Such a perfectionist.

Hmm. took bus 10, then alighted one stop after Crossfire (believe me, i've never been inside there, i don't play LAN. I find it boringg) and entered bus 2. Wow. Bus 2 was like crowded, and i had to knock on the front door before the driver turned to the busstop. 2 was on the right of 10, stuck, you see. and when i entered, the back door opened. Nobody alighted. Driver was scolding and talking really loudly to himself.

Next stop, few people alighted. One particular old man went to the front door of the bus after he alighted and started cursing and swearing at the bus driver in Hokkien, because the door was open. Sign language was also used, although not needed, as the driver got the idea. He started swearing too. Even as the door was closed, and the bus about 20m ahead of the old man, the driver continued to swear. Really loudly. People found it really hard to keep their laughter, me included. FYI, I was beside him at the time. Pretty odd.

Next stop, a horde of ITE students alighted. pressed the bell like 9 times, even as they were alighting. bus driver swore yet again. never ending, i would say. Finally got a seat at the lower deck. Aah. Relax a bit.

Turning into the Upper changi road north, first busstop there, another thing happened. Old lady didn't tap card out, knocked at back door, and entered, just to tap card. Bus driver tried to tell her through the front door after she alighted, but she couldn't hear him, i think. He started swearing again.

2 stops before mine, Ballota Park. A Caucasian tourist came down to the lower deck, with a local tour guide. Oh. i hope the tour guide lied to him, and told him that was Singapore's way of greeting. FYI, the swearing was in hokkien. Very common such as hmmm, everybody knows what it means.

~sigh

what's going to become of us?

I alighted the bus, and was the only one. I hope the driver didn't curse at me because i was the only one to alight. He kinda freaked me out, damn.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

E math.

Easy. piece of cake.
Come on, they say that the mid-year is going to be tough? it doesn't seem like it. are they giving away chances for those who want to DSA to other schools, to give them nice little single-digits to let others marvel at? I don't think so. Now, why would they do that? Hmm?

Chem Paper 1
got like 5-6 'C's in a row, all shaded in the OMR. Come on. Have some pride when you set the paper. this is "giving away chances for those who want to DSA to other schools, to give them nice little single-digits to let others marvel at" all over again. All 'C's? is that like HUGE breadcrumbs? it's all right. if i fail the paper 1 i would tell them that i didn't know they would be that ______ to give all 'C's for answers, and i filled in like over 30 of other letters. It's all right. 25%. it's nothing. (MY ASS)
but seriously speaking, i have no idea if my above hypothesis is correct. I'm waiting for the Science Department to prove me wrong, When they give back the papers.

~sighs~

Chem Paper 2

so 'completable'! finished it with like 15 spare minutes on my tired right hand. for it to relax? to tie up the Section B papers? Nah. i checked it through for about 3 minutes before resting on my left forearm. COmFoRTabLe.... almost slept.
No! one important phrase. 'per unit time'. i'm surprised how many marks the phrase can lose you. 3? 5? 10? out of 80? Ah. after filling up, in small nice little 'carrots', i finished the paper. Tied it up and handed it in. and i was nowhere brain-saturation point. I really wonder why.

Hmm...

kay, yes! alan was talking crap with mr. wee just before our Chem P2.
i took a small piece of seaweed from alan's japanese food. dunno what it is, bcos i never bought from there. so damn expensive.
Me: Okay, i'll pay you the 20 cents later.
Wee: Wow, that costs 20 cents?
Alan: (insert a variation of 'the jap stall food is like so ex')

talktalktalk...

Wee asked alan to finish up his food. I said that people always say '请慢用' when you eat. alan said that it was rude to ask people to eat quickly, with reference to my previous statement.
a load of crap.

As i'm blogging now, jie just called back. just finished. Still has to eat dinner. at 9.30! wow. MJ band on fridays end at arnd 9 i think. that's like the damn opposite of TK.

Okay, I'm leaving...

~BenjaminTAN

2008-05-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

BackTRACK.....

Tuesday.
3 papers, forgot 2 of them. Not bothered to check.
SS paper was okay. For once! And the one of the essay questions was the same as my recent test... so i plain copied and pasted from my memory. SBQ sucked. For once, too! Brain Saturation occured after i did only 2 SBQ part questions (if you didn't know, i did my essay first (for once again...), that's why). couldn't think. Okay. I don't care if my marks turn out to be sucky, because FOR ONCE I studied!!!!!! Without knnowing it! FOR ONCE again!
Before SS alan, ian and I had a go at somebody's flute (will not reveal, lest itruins somebody's friendshi......... nothin'). It was easy again. Not my first, though, my first time was at my Uncle Lewis's house. Okay, he's not exactly my uncle, since he's married to my cousin, but enough of that. Yeah. the first time i saw him play. I thought he was GOOD. enough of that.
yeah. i also tried out my previous mace in the room. The crown was loose, the screw was screwed. so. damn. but i had a good time.

Wednesday.
Geog elect. Dad came back from his like 2 weeks in the US working. Slept like a pig from 3 to 5, so i've been told. 3 as in the afternoon and 5 as in the dawn. wow. now he's still sleeping. Jet lag sucks. hope he doesn't lose anymore sleep during the night. Watched Iron Man. Damn, the show was good! *START SPOILER* Graphics was powerful. Soundtrack matched the atmosphere, although it had a bit too much of electric guitar, but hey, i liked it. how the plot and story builds up is nice, but his fight with the enemy is too fast. 15 minutes, i think. *END SPOILER*
geog elect exam was like WOW. mixed topics. Didn't bring my notes to school (damn!) but it still looks good, lying on my table. Thanks, Belinda!

Thursday.
Labour Day.
Day when i slept till 11.30.
Day when I had nothing better to do but comp the whole morning. And blog now.
Jie's friends came over in the afternoon to make jelly for their seniors. I had some. quite good. considering my jie maked it.

There's no way i can fastforward and get my mind out the emptiness and nothingness of today, so here ends my post.

WHY ISN'T MY CREATIVE ZEN WORKING?!?!?!?

nevermind.

bye.

~BenjaminTAN

2008-04-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

Second time i'm posting today... just says that i have nothing else to do.

today was pretty boring... went for tuition at 9-11. nothing special there. lunch was normal. Rice with veg. plain but i'm used to it. tried running Cortana again but screwed it after like 20 times. took about 45 minutes. then i started exploring the map. was fun, retracing your steps to rally point alpha. anyway, played the horn for about 5-10 minutes. tone sucked. better practice! =.= tried doing instrument twirling. looked quite okay, but the second 8' of twirling sucked. deproved. or was i not good at all? I wonder.......

Band. my escape.

I've got an addiction. without band, i have nothingg else to actually spend my time, other than running cortana and surfing, and blogging. now i sian of running, surfing but blogging still is something that i can not be bored of. whatever. excuse the poor english.

English. Humanities. Languages.
I suck totally at english. it's like my 2nd worst subject lah. even my chinese is better. And my Chinese isn't fluent......... ~sighs~

Here's my first term results, followed by CA1 marks.

English Language: 55.3 (T1) sucks doesn't it?
Chinese Language: 64.0 (T1) B4 it's pure luck
Combined Humanities: 24.5 (T1) F9(duh..) sucks doesn't it? I still have hope. not giving up just yet.
Mathematics: 65.3 (CA1 Marks) B3 i wonder why
Additional Mathematics: 91.3 (CA1 Marks) A1 woooots
Chemistry: 78.7 (T1) A1 Since when Chem became my 2nd best sub? it was always 1st
Physics: 69.0 (T1) B3 So horny... the perfect number for... never mind. It will go to an A2 for my CA1 Marks. all subsequent tests were A2 anw...

Percentage: 64.0! better than T1's 63.9. Come on. it's still an improvement! I also haven't updated 5 subject's marks...
L1R5: 22 (quite good, considering my Sec 3's 36... Can be further improved to a 20, mayb 18? if my Physics and Maths get A1? Maybe...

L1R5. Below 20. That's my aim. For now. so i can still try for DSA to MJC Band...

BOREDDD....

~BenjaminTAN

2008-04-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

"Nothing is perfect."

I would like to prove that statement wrong. Take my Halo 3 speedrunning for example.

Level: Cortana
Difficulty: Easy

P(getting the first door right)=9/10
P(getting the first GM right)=8.5/10
P(landing on the 2nd platform after the jump down...)=7/10
P(getting ALL subsequent slide jumps before the next door perfect)=4/10
P(getting the 2 slide jumps before 3rd GM right)=9/10
P(getting 4th GM sub-2.45)=3/10
P(getting the complicated 3-level bruteshot climbing right)=6/10
P(saving Cortana sub 4.49)=1.5/10
P(destroying all 3 reactors and having door open sub-5.50)=3/10
P(jumping into the place where tank form comes out from perfectly)=9/10
P(getting last bruteshot jump perfect)=8/10
P(not screwing the final 10 seconds of the run)=9.5/10

P(not dying on Easy...=_=)=8.5/10
P(not getting pushed away by some enemy, monster, or being on the receiving side of a particular glitch or bug in the game)=7/10

I guess that pretty sums up a perfect run of Cortana.

P(running Cortana SP Easy PERFECTLY)=0.0006355065956 (thank you, Casio fx-82AU!!!)

(Proven)

it just means doing something really good/perfect isn't improbable, just very difficult. As you all can see, probability of running Cortana SP Easy perfectly is less than 159 tries out of a quarter of a million. It's just the probabilities that drives people nuts.
It depends on luck too.
Let's say, someone's P(jumping 200cm in a SBJ)=9/10. He is given 3 tries to jump 200 cm.
He jumps 199, first try.
Jumps 203, second try.
Jumps 198, third try.
It's just that 0.1 out of the event that he jumps a perfect 200 that fails him. Just because he is unlucky.

Bottom line: People deem perfect things IMPOSSIBLE because the probabilities are so small, and because their luck is like mine (running out) that they say 'screw it', and give up.
What you should do: Get a religion, pray to that god that the first time you do something, get the first try perfect. Hey, if I run Cortana Tomorrow (since I have a lot of time) 159 times, I'll get record times. Down side: i'll most probably give up after 50 failed tries out of a quarter of a million. Reduce the probability of doing something wrong by practicing. Practice makes perfect. and, Luck does play a part in everything that you do.

Gotta study......

~BenjaminTAN

EDIT: P(getting all english vocab, grammar and whatever-not correct the first time i post)=still 1/10.

This is the 4th time i edited the post.

Gotta start on my english. It's never too late, so they say

2008-04-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, someone wish me luck for exams (start tomorrow)........

~BenjaminTAN

2008-04-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

[WARNING]: This is a huge post, so grease your eyes before reading it in one shot.

Whoa! the first time I finished school at 2.
Reached home at 3.45, so it doesn't frigging make a difference. Bus 2 was so longggg.

During school, a particular boy who goes by two nicknames: b_ _n, where both of his nicknames start with 'b' and end with 'n', said something that hurt. During geog elect class. I seriously have no idea why. I have to say it was random, but I didn't like it at all. Why should he poke into my life and say something that hurt so much I feel like not being friends with him? I mean, what is his problem? Maybe he could have just said it accidentally, but I didn't like the notion of him saying something so indirect and just dismissing the topic as soon as you say it, and let me figure the rest. B_ _n, I choose to forgive you. But this wound will last. Long. And it still hurts, even when I'm typing this message. Because I don't forget easily.

Anyway, about talking about forgetting, I took off my shoe sometime during class (some random act) and I saw more black dirt from MJC's synthetic field. Then it came so quickly: the fun I had, the music we played, the... everything. Now it's so... unforgettable. Our rise from nothing, our fall from the comp, our rise after the fall..... It has TK Band written all over it. Yes, and there was a day (I forgot when) during recess when I heard screaming coming from the canteen, but almost no one was in the canteen. Moving closer to the canteen, I just saw a glimpse of the Deyi drum major marching up to take the Best Display Band trophy.

Now... rewind.

This monday, during recess, I just happened to look at the television and I saw our performance. TK Band's performance. The 8-minute performance which we worked so hard for. I bought my food, but didn't eat it till the video on the television replayed.

Rewind more...

During the day itself, it seemed like just a normal rehearsal, just because the stadium was less than a quarter-filled, i think. We performed. We waited for our results. That's all I remembered. I forgot the rest.

At present moment....

Now, when I saw the video, I heard 'Deyi' and there was cheering, although it did not come from the upper secondary levels who were all watching the video. No. It came from the television, and only the television. I even heard some jeering from the students. We saw TK's spirit in the video, all that happened during the day itself, only from a different angle. I really liked the way the video was presented to the TK crowd. Then came the black screen.

'Someone please tell Deyi it's on loan. We want our trophy back!'

I felt that sense of déjà senti.

Rewind again...

After Mr. Azlan talked to us, we went in front of where our school watched our performance, and did one last 'static' show. Something I really did not expect happened. The whole school was cheering. Madly. Whistleswere blown, the School song was sung, and I felt that TK Band spirit in the whole school that was there. It was unbelievable, and as quoted by a particular person in the HSH forum, " 'alfglsdf teoiksrkj; wkjkjgs. bsdaskbr owehohgf a.' OR 'Words now cannot convey the feelings in my head to you all,' ". It seemed unreal. On normal occasions the school would not even support the band or even talk about it. Now, it was a different story altogether. Cheers. Whistles. Hugging. Crying and sobbing. Comforting. All done by the school.

NOW, at present moment....

'Someone please tell Deyi it's on loan, we want our trophy back!"

The same unbelievable thing occured again. The whole canteen was cheering. There was a lot of noise after the video, but the school had something common to talk about.

TK Band.
We Define Excellence.

Talking about excellence, Yesterday my piano teacher made me play some sonatine by Maurice Ravel. I have to say the first movement was EXCELLENT. I liked the way the notes blended together, and although it was a bit difficult, I liked it. Now I have to choose between 'Aufshwung and Des Abends', which comes as a pair, and the Sonatine. I have really no idea what to choose. I'll let my skill decide.

Finally!

~BenjaminTAN

2008-04-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

It determines whether I pass my NAPFA.
It determines whether I get a Bronze, Silver or Gold for my NAPFA.
Hell, it determines whether I can get the full 30 marks for my NAPFA.

That damn 2.4km run/walk.

Well, I'm aiming for the third statement I said about the 2.4. Well, it's easy. Practice makes perfect. That's how Banjamin (4G) got his 8.30 for the 2.4 this Monday. Question: HOW? I don't think everybody has the discipline to run laps everyday. I don't. I blog. Sitting down. While (maybe) somebody is getting him/herself prepared or suited for the run which takes on average a 14 minutes?

Oh, come on.

Now I know how those non-banders from/not from TK feel about our SYF Central Judging of Display Bands. We get ourselves tired for MONTHS, practicing, practicing, practicing, so that 8-minute display can be perfect. Truth: It wasn't. I screwed up. People screw up. Even Ming Wei screwed up at the final moment of the display, ruining his otherwise perfect 'show', although the screwup wasn't obvious. I don't think everybody can see his and my mistake at first glance, unless I tell them about it. But enough about this.

Practice makes perfect, so they say. But on the big day you screw up. So what's the point of practicing? I screwed my DipABRSM piano last year, failed horribly. I screwed up during the competition. I screwed my 2.4 by having a knee that aches terribly everytime it rains, a respiratory system clogged with phlegm, and a stomachache. It's so demoralising! Doesn't make me feel like practicing!

Yet, I still practice. Speedruns, piano, academics, band, three of them which i screwed over the past year, even with practice. There are somethings that have second chances even after the big day, but most don't. Point I'm getting to is this: Luck does play a part in our life. My luck is running out. For now. Gotta buy it somehow. Better not screw my NAPFA.

I got 11.23 for my 2.4. A 'B'.With my body in such a condition. I do hope I get an 'A' the next time round. Then I'll get a 30-point chance.

Bye for now........

~BenjaminTAN

2008-04-20T02:22:00.000-07:00

yes, talking about Wen Jern...
i was so surprised when i saw his blog, he's a completely different person there! he is quite open in real life, playful, vulgar, whatever. His blog is quite the opposite. The only thing that gives it away is his side comments. other than that, i thought i had typed in the wrong URL. lol...

and let me just add this, since it's under the same topic (more or less)...
i cannot believe that people think that my personality is the 'fierce and strict' and the 'cannot-tolerate a bit of nonsense' kind of me. Oh, PLEASE. IF i did that all the time the world would be turned upside down. The balance would be off. People who know me would go crazy. I myself would go crazy. Band IS the only time when i put up that kind of personality, since 2007 when i was handed the SC post... Goes to show that i'm a good actor, huh? (not)
I joke. I am a fun person to be with (that's if you know me well enough...). I did crazy things in Secondary 2 outdoor, so serious Mr. Chia made me do that infront ot the whole main block while they were at attention. I had Dennis tell me countless times, with variation 'do like that still can become dmn/adm?'

ah, nobody knows people perfectly well except themselves. The 'really open' person also would have his secret/s that nobody else knows. Conclusion: Nobody is COMPLETELY open. Not even me.

Not even Wen Jern.

bye for now......
~BenjaminTAN

2008-04-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

"TK band. It has defined excellence in the SYF for pretty long. MY school, so of course theres some pride for it. Its sheer size its just impressive, and the props it put onto the field was clearly big and meant to impress. I remember two years ago when TK won Gold with Honours. I was there. I was damn impressed. That such a huge mass of people could be that organized and work in unison was brilliant. And the music was pleasing to the ears, if not deafening at close range. As I'm sure most people in my school would have noticed, they train VERY HARD. And their holiday camps last 4 days! Furthermore, they lose half a weekend to train. And lose more time during week days training. They have my admiration for that. Clearly fitting for a champion band. They say you can't do well at something until you devote yourself completely to it. So there."

~as posted by Wen Jern, after our comp.

So why didn't we win?

"I'll be honest though. This time TK band impressed me less than last time. It was not the same powerful force I saw 2 years back. That's what I think. Something felt disorganized. And the Chinese Imperial Guards and Gates just didnt fit or look nice. It was disorganized too. The music playing was not as excellent as before. It just didnt seem to reach out to me properly. I heard other bands who played clearer and better. I'm not a professional so I can't really judge nor do I have the right to. I'm just stating what I feel."

~by Wen Jern, in the same post.

"Nevertheless, I saw them train hard, and I have no doubts as to whether effort was put in. I feel the effort was there. And their performance was still good. They got gold this year, second place in other words. No band of the year either. But everything has its ups and downs, and you cant stay at the top forever. That's not to say you can't rise back up, and I'm sure TK band will. Nobody's perfect. Perhaps some mistake was made, they were out of form, etc. Still, I believe they will likely remain a strong force in the SYF, and will always be, even if they did not win. They acquitted themselves admirably, and I respect them for that. I know TK has currently lost its winning streak, but they can get it back I'm sure. And for those people, who say that TK band sux for not winning, or that the CCA is nonsense, I'd like to counter. Winning a competition just once is no small feat. Too win the number of times TK has is certainly no small feat. Being awarded Display Band of the Year 5 consecutive times, takes a lot of effort. And other factors, many in fact can make the difference. I won't say it was luck, but achieving such a high level achievement is not easy. To think that TK band will win is a given, is overconfidence and not appreciating of the sweat and toil put in. Heck, I know of people who don't even realize TK band lost its winning streak with a silver last year. Its not as if those critics could do better. Most probably can't."

~by the same person, same blog, same post. Forgive any mistakes he made.

NOW my turnn to speak.

I don't know, but i think that TK Band defines more than excellence. This time we fall. Next time, THEY fall. And i'm going to make sure that happens.

about Wen Jern... he's my classmate, and his blog- dream-voyage.bs.com

Today's band practice was practically NOTHING. We did NOTHING, only maintain our indoor instruments, go to the auditorium, talktalk, do some reflections (i did two) and ate some cake and ice-cream, thank you PSG.

Drum Major Nominees' '10
-Ying Zheng
-Azkhairy
-Bowen
-Byeong Gyu
-Chih Tun
-Glenn

4 sec 1's? the other time the only junior was Ming Wei.

after that... picture taking. the only picture i took was with my section, sec 4 main com, dmn '08s, yan jie and with kaini. I'm still waiting for those pictures kn...

ah, i gotta go...

~BenjaminTAN~

2008-04-18T06:15:00.001-07:00

Finally! Got this blog up in a day!
ok then, enjoy.